10 ways to be friends with a modern Christian woman: An insight written particularly for men.

1. Be like Jesus – This means being willing to be a servant and to give to the friendship with no expectations of any return. I cannot think of one, genuine, Christian woman I know today who is impressed with a guy’s STUFF – I’m sorry to be so blunt but most women I know do not care about a man’s money, car or job, rather their character. We are friends with people irrespective of their ‘position’ in life…the women who aren’t like this are usually fake, gold-diggers. Of course we are happy for our friends who are financially stable and want them to remain so, but we will care equally for a friend with limited income who loves us purely as Jesus does and doesn’t just take.

2. Pray for her – Pray for your female friend for no other reason than her wellbeing, regardless if you remain in her life for only a season…and do not promote this to her.

3. Respect her boundaries – A guy overstepping boundaries is not cool or mature in a modern Christian woman’s eyes! If you’re not sure if something is okay simply check with her. You will lose a female friend quickly if you demand from her or expect her to compromise her life for yours and really this should be vice-versa.

4. Your words need to match your actions: If you say you are just her friend but get upset over small incidents and need ‘space’ or ‘time out’ it’s quite obvious you thought of her as more than just a friend. If you want to spend time with her, getting to know her for a possible future relationship, be honest about it, otherwise be prepared for her to cancel catch-ups and to not have you as a main priority; friends are flexible and catch up sporadically! Furthermore we look for actions matching a friend’s words – So if you say you’re going to call or get back to us soon and you don’t, it makes us think you don’t keep your word, or value our friendship and we don’t have time for taxing friendships as we usually already have enough burdens we’re carrying.

5. Understand your female friend is FEMALE: This doesn’t mean; all women are identical, that they don’t like sport or they don’t appreciate maleness and humour! Rather they are simply not a male friend. This may seem obvious yet I know many males who seem to simply forget this fact. To clarify, I am not saying modern Christian women are sexist! Generally speaking women treat their friends how they want to be treated (big tip right there) and while they appreciate their male friends’ maleness they ALSO expect to be RESPECTED. This is why generally, mature women are not flatulent in front of others; they joke but without serious ‘put-downs’ or name calling; they’re willing to shout their friend a meal or a new lipstick; they love knowing the details because they find beauty in the story not necessarily the conclusion; they talk to not only be heard but to also listen. Respect our femininity or else simply go out with a male friend.

6. Pay attention and listen during communication: Communication is paramount for so many women; therefore if they do not feel listened to by a friend it’s most likely they will not continue the friendship. Healthy women love to communicate; now the amount of interaction desired by individual women can of course vary but I believe it’s safe to say we desire quality over quantity!  A conversation with a friend who; pays attention, is not distracted, who perhaps puts their phone on silent, is greatly appreciated.

7. Don’t be a caveman: Seriously! I do not believe a healthy, modern Christian woman wants male friends who; have big egos, beat their chest for attention, only want to be heard for in their mind their opinion is right and superior, or must always drive or pay for a shared meal. Personally I value maleness, and my male friends as my brothers in Christ – I would never expect them to treat me as lesser than and I certainly never want to take advantage of their generosity. I want to manage my own money and make my own choices with Jesus as my head as a single woman…A friend is a friend regardless of their gender. Friends share and give and take; it’s equal, so…share costs, split bills, shout occasionally and accept the returned favour. Also, if you want to say something nice make sure it's a genuine compliment, flattery will be seen for what it is.

8. Don’t leave your brain at home: When females catch-up with friends, generally speaking we desire lively engagement. If we desire counsel from you because something has happened, we’ll let you know and that would most likely be a catch up in a simple setting – like coffee at home. But if we’ve arranged an outing, you can count on us expecting an engaging time and that’s something special we value about our friends (otherwise we’d just stay home in our sweat pants)! So when catching up with a female don’t leave your brain at home or I’m sorry to say we’ll become bored – Bring your A-game, that being; a non-tired body, your opinion on recent events, your wit and stories.

9. T.H.I.N.K: A meme shared by many women is one which says before you speak think is it: T – True, H – Helpful, I – Inspiring, N – Necessary, K – Kind. Women don’t share things like this for no reason. For this post however I would like to change it to – Before you act T.H.I.N.K! So for example, before lunging into an action to provide a service for your female friend…T.H.I.N.K…check your motives and intentions before helping by actions or in words because you could actually do more damage than good at times. Females and males desire friendships which will encourage and add value to their life. Many women have children to consider, so if you desire to be her friend don’t drag her down, be thoughtful and considerate to all that impacts her life.

10. No is ALWAYS NO: Last but by no means least, this point should be obvious, but again some men fail to realise when it comes to women, their NO is above what they think, or that women can change their minds and say no even after a yes and it is the NO which stands…period. A mature, Christian man MUST NOT take offence at this. You cannot be friends with a modern Christian woman or any woman without really understanding this point. A woman ALWAYS has the right to say no or to cancel plans without providing friends with specific details. Women MUST have their privacy and dignity respected by their friends, irrespective of their friends’ genders.

Hope this post provided some helpful insight! Would love to hear your thoughts as always, Melanie.