So this post is where my thoughts are at in regards to living a
successful life as a single Christian and it comes from my own
experience of almost five years being single and knowing what it's
like to be married (for those of you who don't know my story). This
post comes about from having found myself in the past being confused
by what some well-meaning Christian people have said and things I've
read which for me were unhelpful and in my opinion,
contradictory...I don't want to offend, rather hope this will help some Christian singles who are perhaps struggling.
The
two remarks I want to focus on today are:
“God
has someone for you but it'll happen only when you're totally
satisfied in Him” and then on the other hand “It's NOT good for
man to be alone...”
I
would like to say...Can we PLEASE stop it with these well-meaning, often regurgitated comments. On behalf of single people I'd like to ask people to please not discuss someone’s singleness unless they bring it up, and you have an existing, close relationship with the person! I mean
seriously, when someone wants to sprout 'spiritual talk' at me, yet
has never had a coffee with me, I am not impressed. Sorry if that's
harsh, I'm just being honest.
Our
heart should always be to care for someone else before speaking.
So here goes:
I
do not think it's very helpful at all when people imply that because
a Christian is still single, yet desires to be married, they must not
be totally satisfied with Christ. I am left to wonder, do these
people think before they write these articles, or speak this over
people? I mean sure, perhaps the single Christian has more healing to
do, or more to learn before meeting someone, but this is very
different to not being 'totally satisfied' in their relationship with
Jesus. This comment in the past, left me feeling hurt and confused. I
was confused as I felt so close to Jesus and I knew I had given up
everything to follow Him...He was my all-in-all. I felt hurt
wondering, was I somehow less spiritual than I should be because the
desire to be married had not gone, yet I was still single...
And
then the comment of 'It's not good for man to be alone'. Sure this
helps us understand God's heart for relationship, but this phrase can
also make single Christians feel as if their life is less-than
because of their singleness, and can urge them into settling for the
wrong person. The truth is our need for human relationship can be
fulfilled from non-sexual, non-marital relationships, with close
Christian friends. Our sexual desire probably won't go away, but we
can live a great life in purity by having accountability with our
trusted friends, and by not wallowing, for we have our purpose in
Jesus, single or not.
In
past years, I spent far too many hours struggling with unhelpful
comments like these two, and I became somewhat fixated upon myself
rather than keeping my eyes upon Jesus and living for Him. Sure there
were plenty of articles that spoke about serving 'while waiting' but
they also added that when one came to a place of 'fulfilment' in
singleness the 'right person' would come along...You see the idea
being sprouted is that serving 'keeps us busy' while we wait to
somehow become more spiritual. Now again, I don't want to sound harsh...but
I've seen plenty of immature Christians pairing up and plenty of
mature ones remaining single. I can also tell you 'keeping busy
serving' is not the right heart for our relationship with Christ!
For
my own well-being I needed to come to a place of accepting I am not
needing to become 'more spiritual' for 'Mr. Right' to come along. I
don't know if even having a 'Mr. Right' mentality is even helpful, as it could elevate men or women too highly perhaps...I've come to think that maybe there
are a lot of 'Mr. Rights' out there...I mean my Christian brothers
are cool guys! And please don't get me started on that 'other half'
rubbish I hear 'Christians' babbling...It's ancient Greek mythology!
I believe as a daughter of God I have a choice and should be wise in
my decision and that my Father will advise me rightly, as long as I
keep my focus upon Him!
I
do agree that it's not good for us to be alone...but this need does
not have to be met by one person who must be my husband! I need to
keep my eyes fixed upon Jesus and ministering with Him every day, not
to keep busy while waiting for something better to come along.
The
most miserable people I know are stagnate people with hardly any
friends...and you know what? They're not just single people...
Here's my conclusion: Find
your own life and purpose in living with and for Jesus, then do it
again and again without expecting to meet the love of your
life...Then if you meet someone, don't over-spiritualise it, make a
wise choice based on whether or not they will be someone whom you can
minister with, and don't settle, keep Jesus as Number One to be found faithful when He returns or calls you home!
Let
me leave you with a song that sums it all up...a perfect anthem to
meditate upon, love Mel xx
1 comment:
This is something that also bothers me & as someone who's never been married there's never a lack of [unsolicited] advice as to why & what do about it...
I have heard a myriad of things regarding my (& other single people's) status:
"There is one God-ordained person for you, someone made just for you"
I have a hard time believing this, w/ over 6 billion people in the world there's only ONE person for each person? Really? What if your perfect person is on the other side of the planet & you never meet? Is God that cruel?
"There is no perfect person for you, just find someone who loves God & loves you, who has similar interests & goals, things will fall into place"
This is actually a bit more realistic & obtainable... but it's easier said than done.
"Once you put it on the altar & don't care anymore, they'll show up!"
This works for some people but I've known plenty of people, myself included, who “put it on the altar” years & years ago (in my case 30 years ago) & we're all still single.
"Pray for others to receive their spouse & you'll get yours!"
I have at least seven friends that over the course of 20+ years I've prayed their spouses in, prayed for them to meet someone & get married, every single one of them are married w/ children to this day. Me? There's no ring on my finger & I still spend life alone.
"Quit being so picky!"
My grandpa told me this shortly before he died. What are you going to say? His generation is different than mine, different ideas & ideals, can I be picky that she at least has to a be Christian? Even that's hard to find...
Just because a person is single doesn't mean they're unhappy; they could just be in a good place, a place of contentment & focus on the Lord. It doesn't mean they don't get lonely at times... it doesn't mean they're not uncomfortable around couples at times... it doesn't mean they need to be pitied, consoled or “fixed”.
Is God's Word true? Absolutely it is, it's not good for man to be alone but sometimes, man is... alone... there's no need to bring attention to it; they know they are & some are happy about it & others are not, but let them work that out. If God leads you to pray for them then do it, if not then don't but it's really none of your business unless they invite you into it.
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