dysfacebook: social dysfunction

It’s my opinion that the extremely fast uptake and acceptance of social media over the past decade, has come to a place of causing more dysfunction (here where I live) than its aim of greater connectedness.

I am writing this post as I know some people who have been really struggling recently. Here’s some examples.

I have heard from mature adults about people within Facebook groups shaming and hurting others, and while we know there’s always been negative people and trolls, it doesn't seem so long ago they were the minority, weren't they? Yet it seems this year (again from my perspective) it’s getting worse and worse…

Then there is the ‘great unfriending’ that also seems to be going on.

So many people I know are either intentionally ‘culling’ their friend/acquaintance list, or feeling the brunt of being ‘unfriended’. And while I don’t assert people need to inform others about their ‘unfriending’ decision, I am concerned for the people who are hurt by this.

I am concerned about how our need to connect with others now-a-days seems to be so warped.

Back before social media, once we all left high-school it seemed we also left behind the negative, immature rubbish of social teenager dysfunction. We all breathed a sigh of relief (unless we were the queen bee) when we left behind the inescapable interaction, and rubbish of the school yard social scene so in our faces, to pursue an adult life where we mostly felt okay about ourselves, and interacted predominately with our family and close friends, in person, and to arrange this also over the phone.

Yet these days it seems so many grown adults live their lives back in the ‘playground’. Grown adults who mentally are unable to disconnect from their adolescent need to be liked and accepted by people, who never really will like or accept them, as they themselves are mixed-up and deluded. Those people are the kind who mistreat and abuse others in order to remain being the ‘queen bee’ in their own mind… “Treat them mean and keep them keen” as the old saying goes, is simply translated these days into “Present yourself as flawless and unattainable and they will follow you on Insta!”

It’s like insects drawn to the bright light. People today are obsessed with celebrities, and desire to imitate them. So many present lives on social media that scream, “I am successful, now please validate this!” And yes, this is from grown adults…

Take it back a notch, and we hear of teenagers committing suicide from social-media pressure and bullying...this is just wrong!

Were we ever meant to have so much interaction with hundreds and sometimes thousands of people each day? Were we ever meant to ‘air our dirty laundry’ in such a public space? No wonder people can’t sleep at night, let alone turn off their phones.

Now I don’t want to write as someone who has everything worked out perfectly and never gets hurt. I have experienced not only ‘unfriending’ from acquaintances and friends, but also family members, and I would be lying if I said it did not hurt. Yet I haven’t deleted my social media accounts as I need them for not only this blog, but also my work. Furthermore I have actually felt mentally unwell from some things I’ve seen and experienced online, and have necessarily taken ‘breaks’ from using these sources for information and connecting with others.

It seems to me, the most immune people to this social dysfunction are the ones who either don’t use social media for connecting with others, or are the ones who gain their affirmation and validation from quality sources.

For me, I remain strong and resilient as I receive my validation from my relationship with Jesus Christ and His unchanging truths for me as His daughter found in scripture. Secondly I receive real, tangible love from my husband, children, family (church family too) and a really small group of friends. Equally second, I feel good about myself by what I give out and achieve…For me this is loving my family, serving others, my work and academic achievements. These are all my quality sources.

I read a really helpful devotional today by Bob and Debbie Gass in The Word for Today. It reminded me of the scripture that says, “A man of too many friends comes to ruin” Proverbs 18:24. 

Friendships and interaction require a huge investment of our time and energy that can actually sap and drain us. Let me ask you, how are you sleeping at night? Are you limiting your online interaction?

Furthermore, we should be ‘picky’ about who we have as friends/acquaintances so that we are not led astray. We should have people on our lists who inspire and encourage us onto better living and greater loving. We should have people on our list who truly care, and are there for us in real life. We need true, godly people who build us up and give us good advice, for there are many wicked people who will try to pull us down and lead us astray. 

I have read many times that we become like the people we look up to and the ones we surround ourselves with. 

So, who do you want to be like?

You may say, “But I have no quality people in my life…” Well as Bob and Debbie wrote, George Washington said, “It’s better to be lonely than in bad company”.

Furthermore, each day is a new opportunity to change your reality…True, good quality relationships take the effort to change our habits and even the places we frequent, and they take time to grow. No one grows by being fixed to a screen…

So for those who unfriend me or treat me poorly, even though at times I would like to retaliate, I will choose to obey Jesus and pray for them. I will pray for those who mistreat me, persecute me, or scorn me…

I will still love and pray for others by keeping my eyes on Jesus and His love for me which is an overflowing fount for me to draw upon each and every day. Love overcomes everything in the end which is why we are to not judge and we are to pray for our enemies who often don’t know any better…it’s just how they are.

Let go and let God take it for you.

Melanie.