5 Steps for Single Christians Seeking Marriage

After writing some posts on Christian singleness; Christian Singleness Early Days - 7 Truths and Christian Singleness - 12 Realities in May, it’s been on my heart for a while now to write a post for Christian singles wanting to form a new relationship for marriage.  

Please be aware everything you’re about to read is my opinion, therefore please take the time to pray and seek The Lord’s will for your own individual life/circumstances in relation to any relationship.  Even though it is my opinion it comes from my personal Christian journey and faith.

This 5 steps approach is not intended to be an in-depth discussion, rather a short guide to prompt Christian discernment.  To avoid being too long I have written in a very direct and broad manner.  If you are personally challenged by anything in this post please feel free to message me via echucamel@gmail.com or better still, print this post out and chat with your trusted Christian pastor.

1.  DISCERNMENT:  Actively discern what life season you are in and if a relationship is even right with The Lord for you.  Before even considering a new relationship do you know what The Lord has said to you about this idea?  Have you sought His will about forming a new relationship for Christian marriage?  Have you dealt with your emotional baggage?  Are you possibly re-bounding?  Are you still legally married to another or spiritually bound to another?  I am not going to discuss the theological issues surrounding marriage/remarriage but I will advise you to seek The Lord’s Word on this for you.  Don’t be a lazy Christian – ‘Seek Ye First the Kingdom of God and His righteousness’.  Don’t do anything in regards to a new relationship until you’ve spent time with The Lord seeking His individual will for your life – don’t let your flesh get in the road of further maturing as a Christian and God’s plan.  Don’t be afraid of a season of loneliness for The Lord is with you and if you rush His timing you could just hurt yourself and another child of God whom He also loves.

2.  PRAY:  If you have discerned that The Lord has marriage in His plan for you that’s a great beginning – but personally I don’t believe that it means rushing ahead of Him.  Singles need to pray for The Lord to bring about the relationship He has planned – yes we have a free will but I believe that because Christian marriage should reflect God’s relationship with us, the right wife/husband is planned.   The Lord knows you better than you know yourself and loves you, so please don’t use your free will to enter wrong relationships – PRAY, PRAY, PRAY!  Even be bold and pray for Him to shut doors or snub out feelings if the possible relationship isn’t His will – ask for His continued guidance, wisdom and protection – better to cut wrong, romantic relationships off early in my opinion.

3.  PATIENCE:  As a Christian, single or not, we can’t afford to let anything consume us and overtake our relationship with The Lord.   The desire for a husband or wife should not be our number one priority – we need to learn to be content with The Lord as number one.  Sometimes the desire for a wife or husband stops Christians doing The Lord’s will.  Patience can be a forgotten Christian virtue in our instant world.  How many Christians today wait for The Lord to bring the right person into their life? 

4.  THINKING:  Okay let’s say you’ve done all of the above – you’re sure The Lord has someone planned for you ; you’ve been praying and haven’t been pre-occupied with rushing out to find someone – then a new possible relationship arises!  This is where you will need to continue seeking The Lord’s wisdom and will (discernment) through prayer, scripture and speaking to other trusted Christians and using your God-given brain.  The truth is we are much better at being wise and objective when we’re not personally involved and free from emotions.  I have heard a comment that went along the lines of, ‘We’re both committed Christians and want to serve The Lord…what else do you need?’.  However marriage involves a lot more than joint ministry – being equally yolked  as scripture advises begins with both being Christians, yet also extends into more personal compatibility. Remember that The Lord may bring someone into your life who is wonderful, yet isn't for you, to show you something you need to learn about who is right for you.

5.  PEACE:  Last point, okay so let’s say you’ve spent some time with your new Christian friend and have discovered that you both have some major compatibility.  Here’s a hypothetical scenario; you both have a heart for local mission, similar theological views, a mutual attraction and respect and equal family values/desires.  Of course you will still need to be actively praying, reading the Word and seeking wise Christian counsel to hear The Lord’s will – but I do most firmly believe that if it is His will you will have His peace .  If there is one or a couple of things which set off your internal alarm bell, slow things down so you can prayerfully and objectively address the concerns, to know if these triggers are valid or not.  If you don’t have total peace don’t take any steps further.  If others do not have peace about the relationship – take it seriously.  Being spiritually bound to another is serious.  Can your biological family or close friends see things you can’t and is this relationship supported by your Christian family?   Another person who should obviously have peace is the other person you are considering courting for marriage...equal conviction and peace should be expected when you're both Christians...so be respectful of each other's discernment.

(Just a side note, I haven't mentioned sex outside/before marriage as I hope you'd know this is fornication and not acceptable for Christians).

God bless, Melanie :)