Sometimes I
think we can over complicate simple profound life truths and work our lives
into a place of such extreme excessive overload, we can lose the heart of
Christianity…bear with me a moment on this, as this post, as always, is coming
from my own experience and perspective.
I love the lyrics… “I’m coming back to the heart of worship and it’s all about You, all about You, Jesus! I’m sorry Lord, for the thing I made it, when it’s all about You, all about You, Jesus!”
For me this
chorus cries the humility needed for us to obey the 1st great
commandment – Love The Lord your God, with all your heart, soul, mind and
strength. For the heart of Christianity
is a renewed human being, with a heart dedicated to The Lord above all else.
The 2nd
is to love our neighbour as ourselves – So this is why the heart of
Christianity is shown through Christians being selflessly dedicated to serving
others above themselves.
The heart of
Christianity is not about us – now this may seem oh so obvious – but I
challenge you, along with me, to consider; how easy is it to live this out
today in our post-Christian, self-centred, greed orientated societies?
I have only
just realised that I have been in a season of excessive self-focus…
It happened
oh so subtly and with me having good intentions.
After my
ex-husband left, I found myself rediscovering who I was as an individual, daughter
of God. While this was a very healthy experience, it continued and developed
into self-obsession, under the idea that I needed to prepare myself to
publically serve The Lord. Now I’m not
saying that self-reflection is wrong or that public ministry is either…rather
we should have a balance and reflect upon whether our lives are truly living
out the heart of Christianity.
I was
continuing my theological study, yet feeling more and more overloaded and
overwhelmed, and wondering why. Even
though logically I knew The Lord loved me regardless of my deeds done in love,
I was placing burdens upon myself that increased my anxiety…I suppose wanting
to be a perfect daughter/person I
haven’t been in my life with others. My
personal Christian relationship became less focused upon Him and more focused
upon me, and I realised this as my personal devotional time wasn’t what it used
to be and that I had less love for others.
I was focusing more upon what The Lord would have me do, than simply
loving Him, and being relaxed and open with what He may bring into my life…I
wanted to know God’s plan which was all about me!
Our lives
have not been totally disastrous, for The Lord has been as faithful as always,
carrying us through. However I have had
increased stress and anxiety and my children have been battered, become less
disciplined, worldlier and also less happy.
Yet they also have voiced their desire recently to still be like Jesus
and not the world…praise Him!
I remember
before continuing my study and seeking The Lord’s direction, I believe I heard
The Lord say, “Finish what you started” and this prompted me to continue my
study. While I don’t think studying was/is
totally wrong, I now think that taking on the full-time load in 2013 was
possibly not the best decision for my boys, as the study became my primary
focus, over their Christian upbringing and wellbeing.
I have
decided now to return to home-schooling my children. I have done so in the past, and honestly they
were the best times I have had with my children and the most fundamental for
their Christian upbringing. I have
decided that I want to finish the rearing of my children, in the way of The
Lord with Him…the time is short, and as a Christian mother this is my number
one, selfless calling.
I’m coming
back to the heart of Christianity and it’s all about Him, all
about perfect Jesus being glorified – not me!
I know I have been somewhat distracted from what’s ultimately, my sole
responsibility – raising my boys in The Way of The Lord! I have been so focused on how I can be a
light to others pointing to Jesus that I have forgotten that it’s not all about
my efforts, just simple, humble,
genuine Christian living where He gently guides.
I am remembering the simple truth that loving
The Lord my God, with all my heart, soul, mind and strength and others as
myself is the heart of Christianity, and should define our lives.
In love, Melanie :)
6 comments:
Just shared about my two daughters in law, one homeschools her three kids, 10,8, and 3. The other is a career girl and her two, 10, 3 are in the best schools they can afford, and they stress quality time as a family.
But, I can see the benefit of homeschooling. In their case quality and quantity of time trumps money, and they are very happy too.
Trust how God is leading you and you can always go back to your studies, but time with your kids can never be replaced. Blessings from Coach.
Thanks Mike for sharing and wisdom; Yes I need to be continually led by The Lord! I'm thinking atm of, God willing, still taking a subject each semester while homeschooling :)
I don't know why a good man would leave a woman with a heart for Jesus like yours, except he is/was a fool. This is a great decision you have made though, homeschooling and also self-reflection in humility to see where you need to be with Jesus, which isn't self focused. It's part of a humble learning process we go through when seeking God in sincerity. I know this, you have much more to offer your boys as in education than any public propaganda school. I pray you have favor and this goes very well for you and your boys. Maybe a survival class would be a good addition?
Just want to add, have you ever listened to the Hagmnann and Hagmann Report? Check it out if your Spirit feels led, they are the leading front of the Christian remnant. God bless.
Thanks for your genuine encouragement Robbie. Even though there are many contributing factors to marriages ending, I believe my ex decided to run from Jesus rather than to Him and that makes living with another who is dedicated difficult.
Hey there sister, what a sacrificial decision...I think it would be very difficult to go back to homeschooling, because you don't get much of a break! I would know (: But, it's good. And, it's worth it...you know, wherever the Lord leads you is the best way for your family. May He bless you in your efforts!
Hey Chanda, yes His way is the best & we only get one shot at our kids childhood! Am feeling better already :D
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