Failure...

I’ve disappointed someone again…

Why can’t I do it all…fit it all in…be totally in control and disciplined and live a carefree life?

Why am I so tired, why does my body have to struggle?

Have you ever felt like this, or do you think these things when your life seems so busy that you are struggling for air?  I have…

I read a funny meme today which had the following quote on it… “I went to the doctor for fatigue, forgetfulness and inability to concentrate and I was diagnosed with Motherhood!”  I don’t know who wrote this funny quote but I do know that I totally relate…I think we all could, even dads!

I had someone say to me that they were disappointed with our relationship; they were releasing me in this conversation from our arrangement and I was actually relieved to walk away from it as it was exhausting me…I had been feeling like I was drowning in my responsibilities and had actually become less productive in my life due to the accumulating stress.  Do you know what that is like?

You see I am actually quite a productive person when my life is balanced…I need a balance of work, creativity and rest.  We all are different but when I am overburdened I actually become less organised and productive.  At times I know my close loved ones have heard me say; ‘I am just exhausted!’  I know now when I hear myself say this too often that I am nearing the point where I will soon have to prioritise and readjust my life schedule…that I am out of balance.

My first responsibility that God has given me is my children and when their care begins to suffer due to ‘life responsibilities’ this weighs heavy on my heart…It is difficult being a single mother but I know that my children are my first priority above anything else. Sometimes we may have to go without some things just so we function in a healthy way…me killing myself by straining to provide EVERYTHING we desire, not need, is futile because we all will suffer in the end.

I feel comfortable in sharing this with you, whomever you are reading this post, because I know that this is a reality of life for us all.  I know many people who feel like this and feel trapped unable to make a change…Yet I also have read many encouraging stories where people have realised their dilemma and made life changes for the betterment of their health and family J

What is the point of this post?

Well perhaps there isn’t one other than to express my heart and let you know that you are not alone.  Yet I will leave you with one thought to ponder which is what helps me through…

IT IS THIS:  When I feel like I am struggling or have failed and need to re-adjust / prioritise, I draw close to God and remember the truths that He has told me which are unchanging…That I am His beloved child and my self-worth comes from Him, not from other people’s opinions or how much work I accomplish or my self-opinionated negative thoughts!  My life will never be perfect until Jesus returns, so I think of the long term goals He has given me, to raise my children His way and to be active in the works He’s prepared for me...not what my anxious mind thinks I need to be doing.  I take rest in His opinion and love which is more than enough!

Sometimes less is actually more...sometimes it’s time to let go and not beat yourself up over it.

In love, Melanie J