10 Discerning Questions for Christian Singles: For being wise as a serpent and gentle as a dove.

As Christians we are commissioned by Jesus to proclaim the Gospel to the ends of the earth. Jesus warns us as we do, to be as wise as serpents and as innocent as doves. Our purpose as Christians is to fulfil Jesus' commission above anything else, and that includes being married. Our desire to be married cannot become an idol.

Therefore as we go about our evangelism we need to keep this principal of being wise and gentle in mind, also in relation to a possible spouse...For if we are not wise and marry the wrong person, it will impact our ability to fulfil Jesus' commission, and if we are not gentle in our dealing with our brothers and sisters while looking for a wife or husband, we could hurt them and possibly their relationship with Jesus. While reading we can also reflect personally to help discern whether we ourselves are ready for a Christian marriage.

10 discerning questions for Christian singles to help us be wise and gentle, for Jesus IS coming soon. Here are the questions:

1. Why is this person single?

As quickly and gently as possible, before feelings could get hurt, you need to know why this person is single. Everyone is single for a reason, and it doesn't need to be negative. A person could simply have the gift of singleness, or have come to Christ after they were married and their non-believing spouse left them. However the other person could be single because they are emotionally not ready, or have immature, unrealistic, non-biblical ideas about relationships and marriage. That being said, do you know why you're single?

2. Are they single in line with biblical principals?

In my honest opinion, this is the biggest question for discerning whether this person is possibly a wolf in sheep's clothing. Did this person divorced their Christian spouse? Is their ex-spouse going on strong for The Lord without them? Did this person leave a perfectly nice Christian they were previously dating, are they going from one person to another?

3. How does their life compare to the 10 commandments?

• I am the LORD thy God, thou shalt have no other gods = Do they put Jesus first before anything else? Or do they have addictions, like the love of material wealth and belongings, drugs and alcohol, pornography etc?

• No graven images or likenesses = Are they open to multi-faith ideologies?

• Not take the LORD's name in vain = Does the current use of blasphemy not bother them, for example in movies?

• Remember the sabbath day = Do they intentionally make worship a priority?

• Honour thy father and thy mother = Do they do this? Or is speaking disrespectfully about their parents a common occurrence?

• Thou shalt not kill = Having love for others. Jesus said to hate brother or sister is the same as murder. Do you hear them speaking bitterly about others? Do they stir strife and breed malice?

• Thou shalt not commit adultery = Are they pushing sexual boundaries with you? This is the easiest way to gauge what they will be like in the future with possibly someone other than you.

• Thou shalt not steal = You aren't with them 100% of the time, but you can observe their willingness to give to the church plate.

• Thou shalt not bear false witness = Being able to give their opinion in an unbiased, non reactive way.

• Thou shalt not covet = Is their priority having the best of everything? Are they jealous of others, rather than happy for them?

4. Do you see Jesus in them ?

Are they a person who encourages you in your own relationship with Jesus, or do they try to take His place? Do they put you down and call it, “trying to grow and challenge you”? Do you see Jesus shining through them by serving others?

5. What are their other significant relationships like?

Does this person have healthy relationships with their children, relatives and friends? Are they estranged, or a loner with no desire to work on their relationships with their current friends and family? Is their family and church family a priority?

6. Does their life have purpose?

Do they have a fulfilling life without you in it? Or are they laden with baggage they need to first work towards being freed from? Do they need to find their purpose in Jesus?

7. Would their lifestyle fit that of a disciple of Jesus?

Is this person making efforts to grow spiritually? What do they do with their spare time? Is it going to church, bible studies or the local pub?

8. What would be the foundation of your relationship?

Jesus needs to be the cornerstone of a Christian marriage. Other key ingredients like theology, dreams and hobbies add to the foundation. It is not good to marry someone who has no idea of who they are without you and vice-versa. Together you form the foundation of marriage in Jesus, one does not make the foundation alone. Do you know what the foundation of your possible marriage with this person would be? In joining with them would you both thrive and shine out Christ together, or would one of you dissolve into the other's shadow?

9. Have you seen true spiritual fruit?

Seeing true fruit over a period of time. Do you know what true spiritual fruit is? If not, find out now! Wolves only produce plastic fruit.

10. What is their capacity for others?

A person who will love you in sickness and health. Do they already do this for others? Has something major happened where they were there for you, or do they run hot and then cold, there for you only when it suits them?

I pray this post blesses you, as you continue in your own relationship with the Lord Jesus first and foremost! For Jesus IS coming soon and we must be found ready! Remember, it is not legalistic to expect to see a genuine fruitful Christian life in someone professing our faith, for this is the work of God in every true believer. The church is commanded in scripture to judge believers, for a little yeast works through the whole batch. This post is based upon scripture as for us to be truly wise, according to God's standards, we must have our knowledge based upon His Word - How well read are you in scripture? Don't reply upon someone else to give you their version of God's Word, read it for yourself prayerfully every day! Jesus IS coming soon...

Your sister, Melanie.

Unequal Yoking: For my single Christian Brothers & Sisters.

I have been wanting to write about this topic for some time now. It has been a topic that has been simmering away and although I knew in a sense what to say, I also knew I needed to wait for the right timing.

As Christians we should know the scripture which speaks of Christians only marrying Christians; of the need to be equally yoked with the other person to whom one is to be united with. I have read quite extensively on this topic, and heard many different views, and this post is my stance...My stance as a single, Christian woman.

As a mature single woman, I have the liberty of meeting and getting to know many different men in the context of friendship and work. Please know I write this post, as I do all my others, from a place of genuine Christian love.

I believe that if we are truly a born-again, single Christian, we would not choose to be bound to someone who is not.

A born-again Christian has been made new. They've become a Child of The Living God.

We are not born Children of God. Because of The Fall, we are actually born under sin, and therefore a child of the devil.

When we repent and choose Jesus, we become Children of God. We become united with God. Through Jesus, the Holy Spirit lives in us! How could we then unite ourselves with the dark?

I want to make it clear, if someone becomes a Christian after already marrying a non-Christian, they are to remain married to that person!! You see, at the end of the day our life is NOT our own...We've been bought with a price and we are not to be self-serving, we are to serve Jesus...

I believe Jesus says to us, “Do you love me?” Just like He asked Peter, “Do you love me?...Feed my sheep.”

If the non-believer chooses to stay close to the light in us, then we rejoice and pray for them...But if they choose to run from the light, we are no longer bound to them, for God has called us to peace as His children.

As God's children we are called to a life of peace...peace even in the difficult times...for peace does not mean a life without persecution.

Peace for a marriage is being united in Christ. Peace in a marriage is unity in prayer, theology, morals, raising children...If we decide to date a non-Christian for the possibility of marriage, we need to ask ourselves a challenging question.

Do they see Christ in me?

Jesus said that if the world hated Him, it will hate those who belong to Him. Now hate can simply be rejection. The rejection of us because of Christ in us.

So, if a non-Christian is willing to date and possibly marry you, have they really seen Christ in you? Have they heard your testimony? Have you prayed with them? Are you able to talk about Jesus freely with them without a poor reaction? For if they have seen Christ in you they will respond...their response will either be choosing Jesus and staying with you, or rejecting Jesus and therefore also rejecting that integral part of you.

I have read comments like, “But we get along so well.” “He's nicer than the men at church.” Now I truly actually understand...I know some really nice non-Christian men, and I also know some not-so-friendly Christian men. Personally I don't think I'm equally yoked with either. Being equally yoked is more than the other person claiming Christianity or being a Christian. I can hear Jesus ask me...

"Do you love me?"

Do I love Him enough to put Him first, and trust His plan for me?

It's like when God asked to the Jews to trust Him, and not go down to Egypt when the invasion came...To not fear, but trust and obey. Sadly, they did not trust and obey, and therefore suffered the consequences.

It's like when Mary responded, “May it happen to me according to your word”, even though she could have been stoned to death for becoming pregnant out of wedlock.

It's like when Jesus prayed in the garden, “Father, take this cup of suffering away, but not my will be done, but Yours.” God's will was done.

God's plan for us is not easy!

Jesus does not save us so we can simply go to heaven.

The Gospel is NOT Jesus + Plus the lifestyle you choose = Salvation.

The Gospel is Jesus saves us to become the Children of God for eternity, when we die to ourselves as god, and let Him be God over us. He saves us by re-birthing us to become His hands and feet NOW while we await His return.

Jesus asks, “Do you love me?”

My heart's cry is, let it be, “Yes!”

“Enter through the narrow gate for wide is the gate and broad the way leading to destruction, and many are those entering through.” Matthew 7:13.

If we truly love Jesus, how can we keep this love silent?

I know what it is like to feel lonely at times, and wonder if there is an equal Christian upon the horizon...But I also know what it's like to be married to a non-Christian, and I choose God's peace.

It is His peace that helps me bear the weight and privilege of bearing His Name. It is His grace, love, peace and joy that keeps me strong when temptations come. I want to be found faithful when He comes. I want to hear the words, “Well done, you loved me MORE than the world.”

If I am convicted of anything in this life, may it be that of being a born-again Christian. May I leave a legacy that is the testimony of the love and power of Jesus to transform us into the Children of God.

Are we willing to pray for the strength to endure?

When Jesus asks, “Do you love me?” are we willing to answer, “Yes, and therefore I only want your will!”

In His love, Melanie.

LET GO:

I honestly think I've found the secret to life.

I'm serious, this is something that has been building up inside me for quite some time, and it's hit me right in the face tonight...But not just as something I need to do every now and again...But as a whole motto for life, and it is 2 simple words...

LET GO...

The Lord spoke these words to me the night I was convicted of my need to be saved, and again around a year ago. I freely admit it's difficult to do at first. Just like the story of the monkeys who were trapped by their own inability to simply let go of the treat in the jar they'd seized to be free, they continued to hold on and on until they were caught...It can be difficult to let go at first.

I had to choose to LET GO in faith, even though I didn't know what would happen next, other than I'd be following God.

It may sound crazy that 2 simple words can hold the secret to life, but just bear with me for one moment, and see if this is as profound to you, as it is to me!

What is it that imprisons us as people, and stops us from achieving and being content?

Personally I think it can be a variety of different things, but the most common seem to be things like hatred, violence, unforgiveness, bitterness, addiction, lust, fear, unfulfillment, greed, envy, selfish ambition, pessimism, obsession, apathy, brokenness, a lack of self-worth...

In a world where humility is viewed as a weakness, it's no surprise that so many are trapped by their inability to LET GO of themselves, and surrender their life to Jesus Christ...But this first LETTING GO is the secret of life. It's coming to a place of reality, where we see ourselves truly as we are...morally corrupt counterfeits, who need forgiveness and a spiritual re-birth. It's recognising that no matter how hard we try to make ourselves complete and satisfied, we remain empty when no-one else is around...

When we let go of the fear, stubbornness, and rebellion toward God from our human brokenness we find salvation.

But wait, there's still some more to the secret of life, as after we become a Christian there are still challenges in life.

Some people wonder why this is so. But they fail to really seek to get to know God through His Word, and therefore fail to understand God's plan to transform them for service. They come to God wanting salvation and self-autonomy...

If you're already a Christian, I challenge you to consider these 2 simple words the next time you're struggling...Or even right now, with whatever it is you're struggling with...LET GO!

Are you struggling with lustful thoughts, masturbation, pornography, loneliness, or wanting a partner? LET GO...When the temptation comes, let go and run into the arms of Jesus. LET GO of the desire which consumes, and do something else with your time. This may sound simple because the premise is 2 simple words, but it doesn't mean it's easy...Yet it is not impossible!

When I struggle with my singleness, I choose to pray and seek counsel from trusted Christians. When I am alone I think about my life and the possible consequences of possible choices. And I read my bible seeking The Lord's voice. I will do this again, and again, and again until I have His peace and victory once again, knowing His will. Are you willing to LET GO of your plans for a partner, and submit to a time of singleness for freedom?

Are you struggling with things like hatred, violence, unforgiveness, bitterness or rage? What about drugs and alcohol? Will you LET GO and submit to Christian counselling, or a specialised program? Will you LET GO of the past, your pride, fear and humiliation and seek help?

Are you struggling with unfulfillment, pessimism, or apathy? Are you willing to LET GO of old habits and routine, and step out in faith for a new adventure? Are you willing to let go of fear and do whatever He calls you to, like study or moving?

Are you struggling with greed, envy, selfish ambition, debt or loneliness? Will you LET GO of the love of self, and sacrifice your material possessions to find freedom in honesty and true friendships?

Are you struggling with obsession? This could take may forms, for example a thought, a person, conspiracy theories, social media, fame and so on. Will you LET GO of the obsession, to find joy in real life?

Are you struggling with depression and/or deep wounds? Will you take your deep to Him, in tears and anguish? Will you LET GO of the dark by stepping out of the pit, and seeking help from family and medical practitioners?

Are you struggling from a lack of self-worth? Do you struggle to describe who you are? Do you feel you lack your own identity, living to please other people? Do you know your own gifts and worth? Do you walk into a room and feel judged? Will you LET GO of your insecurities, and begin a journey of finding yourself by studying scripture? Is there an unhealthy relationship that has bound you that you need to LET GO of?

LETTING GO is not easy or natural that is why it is an act of faith.

When we choose to LET GO, we may be afraid as we will not know what will happen. You see it's not our natural response, and that is why it is the SECRET of life!

When we LET GO and step forth into Jesus, we will be free from our self-imprisionment. We find freedom from whatever is fighting to take us hostage, even as Christians. When we LET GO we find His way for us, and therefore peace, no matter what is going on around us.

I honestly believe LETTING GO is the secret to being content in all circumstances, and achieving our life purpose!

LET GO and step into Jesus, you'll never be the same again, then keep doing it, and keep doing it, until you enter into His glory in heaven...

The secret of life is 2 simple words, LET GO...

Let go, Jesus will catch you, and release you to fly in freedom...

Love Melanie.