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Life of an Ordinary Aussie Woman

Sunday, 30 March 2014

Word of God!

Have you ever wanted to have a conversation with Jesus?

I mean sit down in person, beside Him and talk….just like you would with anyone else…

What do you think He would say?

What do you imagine?

Jesus is the Word of God.  He came from heaven, to Earth, was born a baby, a human being, and spoke only what The Father told Him to. (See John 1 and John 8:28)

The Word became Flesh and dwelt among us and we saw His glory…

Many Christians are passionate about the Bible because they realise it contains the Words of God for all people.  Indeed people have risked their lives to get The Word into people’s hands in their native language, because they have experienced what a transformation it makes.

I am passionate about The Word of God…the Word of God is Jesus, and if I want to hear His words for me, I need to spend time reading them.

Jesus reached me with very challenging words in 2005.

I was in a hotel room and opened a Gideon’s Bible.  The Gideon’s are a Christian organisation providing Bibles to places like hospitals and hotels etc…

Jesus’ words to me were challenging, but they were true because He is truth.  Like the woman at the well (John 4:1-42) whom Jesus told all she’d ever done…Jesus described the woman I was on the inside…the person I truly was, and that I hid from everyone…no one but God could have spoken about me like those words I read.  And this is why, still to this day, I pray and ask God to speak to me through His Word and open my Bible and read, seeking daily transformation.

Some people may scoff at having reverence for The Holy Bible, some people struggle to spend time reading it, and I must say that yes, it does take commitment and dedication to read the Bible in a reverent way.  It takes a heart that is seeking after The Lord and His Way, to be humble and open it to hear what God will say, while spending time with Him reading His Words.

Like when we are children and our parent lovingly gives us horrible tasting medicine…I don’t know about you, but if it was up to me I wouldn’t take it…I did because my mother made me.  We don’t always like doing things that are challenging and difficult.

Take for example when someone is truly dedicated to pursuing their talent…usually they have natural ability to begin with…then they commit and excel. 

But being humble and open to a growth to become more godly, I don’t think is natural for our sinful nature.  I think this is why people internally make excuses for not spending time reading their Bible.  Or try to discredit the Bible because then they are not as challenged.

If I can leave you with some encouragement today, it would be that when you commit to spending time with The Lord in His Word a miracle happens…yes I can say it truly does because God is faithful and true and it happened to me.  

He will put His Word into your heart and mind (Jer 31:33; Heb 8:10) and The Bible will become like sweet honey (Psalm 119:103) and it will still be medicine for your soul.  Then like when you were trained as a child to get used to the strange tasting medicine and appreciate it for its healing properties – The Bible will become precious to you, and you too will pass it onto others because you love them and know it heals.

This song from Mercy Me, ‘Word of God Speak’ is very meaningful for me, and I hope it encourages you also.  

In love, Melanie J

Monday, 24 March 2014

My Thing...

A beautiful Aussie Christian woman, named Vicky, has kindly let me publish this poem of hers here on my blog. 

I am not a blogger who publishes others works usually.  This is partly because I want my blog to remain very personal and Australian.  However this poem is so beautiful, powerful, and AUSTRALIAN that I am so eager to have it here, for God to use to bless others for His Kingdom and Glory!

This poem is Vicky’s third inspired piece.  The poetry comes from Vicky’s walk with The Lord through a very difficult experience, and long season.  “My Thing” was born recently after the opportunity arose at a conference where Vicky was able to received assisted healing to break this bondage.

I aim to pass on ALL your comments to her, In His service, Melanie J

My Thing…

I carry this ‘thing’, all on my own;
It’s weight so heavy, it makes me groan.
No matter how far, which way I do go;
It’s always there with me, that much I do know.
No-one can take it, I consider it mine;
And when people ask me, I say that “it’s fine”.

But my ‘thing’ gets heavier, with each step I take;
I’m slipping down further, I’m starting to break.
I look all around, see all that I’ve lost;
But I’ll hold onto my ‘thing’, no matter the cost.
I didn’t ask for it, it was forced onto me;
And I fear from this ‘thing’, I can never be free.

It’s punctured my heart, it’s ruptured my soul;
And the way that it happened, was beyond my control.
I’m wading through darkness, no hope can be found;
I’m tied to my ‘thing’, to its chains I’m bound.
In pain and in agony, in total despair;
I scream and I cry- “does anyone care?”

And then I’m reminded, the price has been paid;
The victory has been won, the plans are all made.
The pain and the suffering, will all fade away;
For JOY in abundance, awaits me one day.
TRUST is the only ‘thing’, of me He demands;
To hang onto HIS words, HIS promise, HIS plans.

So tonight I did choose, to let MY ‘thing’ go;
Sticks broken from bondage, to the ground I did throw.
To the Lord I did pray, “Please break the chains;
I want only Your joy and peace to remain”.
Each day from now on, I’ll TRUST You anew;
Cause I know that Your victory, will carry me through.

I can’t thank you enough, for paying the price;
You’ve given me freedom, loosened the vice.
My mind cannot grasp, the gifts that You share;
It’s hard to believe, about MY ‘things’ You care.
But I know that You want me, made whole again;
So Jesus I’m stopping, to hand You my ‘thing’.

Vicky Limbrick 22/3/14

Saturday, 22 March 2014

Family Shame...

Let me tell you a story… (All names have been changed)

There was this beautiful Australian Christian family…

The dad was a builder.  The mum was blessed to stay at home with the kids, and as a whole family they were active in local outreach mission.  Each Friday night they would help serve with their church, a local free community meal.  The dad served as a church elder, and the mum was on parish council.  Their eldest daughter helped to run the youth group and never missed a meeting.  She did not skip school or stay out late with her girlfriends and was almost engaged to another church family’s son.  She was responsible with her mobile phone and at school was on the committee formed to take an active stance against bullying…and she even stayed home to baby sit the two younger siblings with no complaint, when the mum and dad needed a date night!

A picture perfect family…That was, until one day at their evening family meal, the eldest daughter made an announcement…

“Mum and dad….ummmm…I really need to tell you something…PLEASE just listen to me though…and DON’T FREAK OUT!”  Instantly as you could appreciate, an uneasy tension was in the air.

“What do you mean, freak out?” The Mum replied with a nervous laugh…Silence.

“Well spit it out love, what did you do…finally over spend your phone allowance?” said the dad with a relaxed laugh, breaking the tension.

“No” came a small reply.  Then the parents really knew something was wrong.  However the mother pulled herself together and went into good parenting mode.  “Okay sweetie, what’s up…you know you can tell us anything!  Is it Michael, or is something wrong at school?”

“No….I’m….I’m…pregnant…” The blood drained from the mother’s face, as if it was filling the dad’s, as he began turning bright red in rage!

“That Michael, I’m gonna kill him!” He yelled as he pushed his chair away from the table to grab his mobile phone.  “No dad!  Wait…” cried the daughter… “It’s not his fault!”

“What do you mean?” The dad yelled back.  “Did you plan this?”

At that stage the mother broke down and began sobbing at the table.  Overwhelmed at the thought of their family’s shame that would become public knowledge…

Fast forward a few weeks and the daughter’s stomach was starting to become noticeable…she now needed to wear loose tee-shirts rather than her fitted ones.   The family tension was beginning to get unbearable.  The dad had spoken to the boyfriend who was just hopeless…he seemed to not really know anything about the pregnancy, and this infuriated the girl’s parents even more as they really thought Michael was not THAT type of boy!  The family kept making excuses to not attend church, as they just couldn’t bare to face anyone.  The daughter was also very difficult to talk to, because all she kept repeating was how she believed that this baby was meant to be, and was a part of God’s plan.

The daughter just didn’t seem to realise how a baby would ruin her life and her family’s good reputation.  She did not fathom how university (Bible College) would no longer be an option for her with a baby out of wedlock, and why she couldn’t live at home with her parents and study theology, or have a shot-gun wedding to Michael before anyone else in the town found out!

The mother had finally gotten her head around the idea that a baby was sure to arrive and knew that something had to be done.  So the mother and daughter went to see their local doctor for a check-up.  He was actually a member of their church congregation, and after finding out about the dilemma and checking the daughter, he sat down to offer his wise counsel. 

The doctor explained that even though the daughter was beginning to show, abortions could be performed quite late these days, and in fact were just a day procedure.  A city clinic would offer absolute discretion.  The mother and daughter thanked their friend and went home.

Later that evening the mother discussed the doctor’s advice with the dad, and together they looked at some possible dates on the calendar…calm was being restored.  They called their daughter into the kitchen, but when she did not come they went into her room and found a note.

Dear Mum and Dad,
I know you both love me and please know that I also love you both very much.
This baby really is God’s plan for me, but I get that you are unable to understand this.
I have left to go stay with someone I trust, and who is not going to force me to get rid of my baby.
I will return when you can no longer take me to the clinic.
I am sorry that you feel ashamed by me as I am still your daughter who loves the Lord.

What do you think of this story?

What would you do in this situation if your were the girl’s parent?

What about if you were a close friend of the family, or the family’s doctor, what advice would you give?

This story is actually fiction, but I believe it is a real possible scenario…

Now I would like you to do something…

Change the names Michael and Laura, to Joseph and Mary, and change the setting from a modern day western one, to that of Israel around 2,000 years ago.  

Now re-read the story with this question in mind; “What if Jesus was born today?”

In His service, Melanie J

Thursday, 20 March 2014


Hostility and ill-treatment, especially because of race or political or religious beliefs; oppression.
"her family fled religious persecution"
synonyms: oppression, victimization, maltreatment, ill-treatment, mistreatment, abuse, ill-usage, discrimination, tyranny, tyrannization, punishment, torment, torture; (Google, Web definition).

Persecution have you ever really faced it?

I certainly know that I have Christian brothers and sisters who are under extreme persecution for their faith living in countries ruled by oppressive governments.  Their persecution, I believe, can be likened in ways to the early church…

To be honest I do not face this particular persecution…but persecution I do know it.

I do know what it is like to be looked down upon, to have people try to take advantage of me, and even to be hated because of my faith.

I understand what it is like to be not given a fair go by some because of my gender and marital status.

At the moment I am facing hostility and ill-treatment because of my resolve to not be bullied.  This person does not have any power over me, and I am protected by God...the only weapons they can use to intimidate me, are verbal abuse and/or withdrawing.

This persecution does NOT mean that I am not loved by God, and by writing this post I hope to encourage you for times of persecution...because in Jesus’ discourse with His disciples, recorded in the Gospels, Jesus warns us all of persecution. 

Persecution is unfair…it is unjust…it is NOT right…but it is a reality we face at times during our Christian lives and DOES NOT mean that we are abandoned by God!

What is one to do when facing such a trial?

Have you ever read of the persecution Jeremiah faced in his prophetic ministry?  Talk about un-just treatment from others!

Persecution is really tiring.  I know how low and exhausted I can feel.

God actually said to Jeremiah in Chapter 12 when Jerry has complained; “If you have raced with foot-runners and they have wearied you, how will you compete with horses?” (Jer 12:5)

I’m not sure if you know this passage, but when I have read it, I can tell you, I have thought “Woe…that’s pretty straight up God!”

So I think that if we are to grow stronger from the trial of persecution we are facing, we must fight the weariness by drawing our strength from the everlasting reservoir…God!

I don’t know your trial, I don’t know your pain, I don’t know your persecutor…

But I do know Him, who is more than able, and has more than enough strength to sustain you…

Let me help you draw nearer to Him by sharing some ways which help me:
  • Pray and feed on scripture (fasting can also be a valid option)
  • Seek intercessory prayer from trusted Christian brothers and/or sisters.
  • Go to church!  Yes!  Don’t wallow at home…need to cry?  Do it at church.
  • Hold to your faith and standards, yes God may speak to you about something you need to change…but do not back down from your Christian moral stance.
  • Pray for your persecutor…they need God as much as you do.
  • Pump up the music!  Meditate on Christian songs/hymns and pour your heart out to God in song.
  • Seek to do good wherever possible, keep loving others no matter what trial you are facing.  Scripture says to overcome evil with good (Romans 12:21) and I have found that doing something good and positive also helps lift my mood.

No matter what the persecution we must stand firm in our resolve to love the Lord our God with all our heart, soul, mind and strength and to love our neighbours as ourselves (and yes, this includes the persecutor/s).  It’s NOT being a doormat, there are consequences for actions, but it does involve working for a peaceful resolution whenever possible.

Peace be with you, Melanie.

Let me leave you with this awesome Hillsong song, OCEANS

You call me out upon the waters, The great unknown where feet may fail
And there I find You in the mystery, In oceans deep, My faith will stand

And I will call upon Your name, And keep my eyes above the waves
When oceans rise, My soul will rest in Your embrace
For I am Yours and You are mine

Your grace abounds in deepest waters, Your sovereign hand, Will be my guide
Where feet may fail and fear surrounds me
You've never failed and You won't start now

So I will call upon Your name And keep my eyes above the waves
When oceans rise, My soul will rest in Your embrace
For I am Yours and You are mine

Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders
Let me walk upon the waters, Wherever You would call me
Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander
And my faith will be made stronger, In the presence of my Savior

I will call upon Your Name, Keep my eyes above the waves
My soul will rest in Your embrace, I am Yours and You are mine...

Wednesday, 19 March 2014

Family First...

If you were to ask the average Australian today, what their top priority was, I think I am quite safe to say that the most common answer I believe would be family, and I believe that this would be from most generations.  

It seems to me, from what I have been observing over the last decade from our young generation, that family is the highest priority in most young people’s lives…It always seems to top opinion polls I’ve seen.  The love of family (members themselves and the institution, regardless of definition) seems to transcend any demographic differences and underlies most motivations.

What I am writing is based upon my own observations, opinion and experience in working with young people and families; however it does also seem to be supported by Australian statistical reports.  For example, a 2008 Australian report on families, see here:
states: ‘The report highlights the ongoing importance of the family to individuals and to society more broadly.’

states: ‘Who then is the most important person in the world? The findings presented in this article suggest that it is not the individual but the family.’

These reports discuss the changes in Australian culture to the definition of family and changing views on opinion and tolerance for what defines a family, in relation to marriage, cohabitation, divorce, women’s employment and raising children. 

This is a link to the Australia Bureau of Statistics and is an interesting small projection of families in Australia from 2006-2031:

From my observation as a mother, I believe family is so powerful that it can even transcend cultural and language barriers…haven’t experienced this?  Well hang out for a while with a toddler in a McDonalds’ playground, and unless you are a total grump, you’ll soon interact with others, even if it’s just sharing a knowing laugh because you both don’t speak the same language!

I am encouraged by the loyalty I have observed from young people to their family, and their resolve to love and be committed to their nearest and dearest.  I have also observed however that family loyalty has taken over the love of God.  This may be because the young people have been raised not knowing God’s love for them, and of only their family’s love and support which has been so strong.  It can also be because of Christian people deciding that to love their family they will sacrifice not going to church or fellowshipping with other Christians regularly themselves, so that they can have ‘family time’.  I think this is more common when people are unevenly yoked (a Christian married to a non-Christian).

Family is indeed a good gift from God.  I love Psalm 133 – listen to this on loving family unity...

Our recent camp site!

Relationships matter to The Lord.  I have experienced how He has connected me closer with most of my family members since I recommitted my life to Him in 2005…I know others have experienced this also.  Think of the healings Jesus performed which enabled the people to be reconnected to their family and community!  Jesus heals and restores.

Family is awesome and I experience so much joy in my close, connected relationships. Just recently in my life I have been blessed to experience reconnecting with a relation of my cousin, (whom I’ve known from around the age of twelve, so they are like family to me also) as they recommitted their life to Christ, and so now we are truly family through Christ!

In my opinion, the problem we face today however is that family seems to take the place of God for many.  It is truly wonderful when families love and care for each other, but really a family relationship should mirror the relationship we should have with God.

The best relationship anyone can have is a restored one with God, through Jesus Christ.  When we are in relationship with The Lord and have Him as number one, we do not commit idolatry and actually have more love, patience and joy in our family life. 

It is our sinful nature that wants the carbon copy without the original version.  Our sinful nature twists the good gift of family from God, so that family becomes god to us – and truly this is an unfruitful venture, as no-one or anything can take the place of God in our lives.  When we try to fill God’s place with anything else we are always left disappointed!  People and families are NOT perfect and will eventually disappoint you or enslave you.  Whatever you succumb to will be your master!  I’ve chosen my master who is love Himself, and does not disappoint.  He supports me when family and I fail.

Did you know Jesus said this:
‘37 Whoever loves father or mother more than me is not worthy of me; and whoever loves son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me; 38 and whoever does not take up the cross and follow me is not worthy of me. 39 Those who find their life will lose it, and those who lose their life for my sake will find it.’  (Matthew 10:37-39, NRSV)

I hope you do not misunderstand this post.  I am not saying that Jesus does not value family, or is asking you to abandon your family, as this would contradict wider scripture.  I believe He is trying to focus our attention on loving The Lord with all our heart, soul, mind and strength first and foremost, to get our priorities right, so then we have His love in us, to truly love our family and have healthy relationships with God and others.

I appreciate if this post is controversial for you and if what I am saying is a new concept for you…would love to chat further if you need to.

In love, Melanie J

Tuesday, 18 March 2014


Passion…longing, desiring, yearning…

I am blessed to know many passionate people who journey with me through life…
And the one thing, I believe, we all have in common is experience…An experience or experiences that have impacted us deeply, and helped to create a deep conviction and outpouring of passion from our lives.
Some people’s primary passion may be justice, others a sustainable environment, others rehabilitation…I’m sure we could list many more.

My passion is TRUTH and my definition of truth is Jesus Christ; who declared that He is The Way, The Truth and The Life…

My passion is The Truth because I have experienced liberation in life, by surrendering to The Truth.

“Truth is what’s relevant to you…people need to find their own truth.”  This may be your thought and if it is, I respect that is your opinion.  But I do say to you, that this humble ordinary Aussie woman, has experienced such a transformation that I will NEVER proclaim that there is any other truth in this world other than Jesus Christ.  For those of you who may be reading this post and have known me most of my life, I know you will concur that I am not the young woman I once was.

He is my all, my passion and sustenance.

In these end days before the return of Jesus there are so many unbiblical lies circulating, that people are swallowing because they don’t want to face the truth…That they are dead in their sins and need the Saviour of the World to save them.  We are so stupidly, blind to our own filth by our own awful self-sufficiency…I mean seriously as a nation we have abundant food, education and amenities…yet we are fat, stupid, lazy and greedy…What gives me the right to say this?  Well firstly experience…this is the woman I once was.  Secondly, I ask you and you need to answer honestly…Are the majority of people you know living un-selfish, God honouring, hard-working lives?  Don’t get me wrong, I am blessed to know many people who indeed are leading such lives, and this encourages me so much…but what about the majority?

It seems sadly, that the majority disregard the Bible and choose to listen to what suits.  I have learnt from other genuine Christians that this is actually idolatry…BECAUSE when we do this, we are fashioning God into a god that suits us…Not the one who is unchanging throughout ALL of scripture both OLD & NEW TESTAMENTS.  Not reading all of scripture in context of wider scripture, picking and choosing to listen to what suits us, is no different to carving an idol and bowing down to it…And if you read scripture you will know how offensive idolatry is to God!

There seems to be so much of the notion today, that there are many paths to God and this truly grieves me.  I see people who consider themselves to be Christian sharing stuff from Buddhism for example.  It seems many have fashioned a god for themselves who is ‘high in the sky’ and is happy when people don’t hurt one another.  It seems people have forgotten, that God the Son became a human being, died on cross and rose to life to save us and reconcile us to Him…All our good deeds actually suck…We cannot be made Holy without Jesus Christ!

If you ever hear anything from me, may it be that Jesus Christ said “I am The Way, The Truth and The Life.  No-one comes to The Father except through me.”  (John 14:6)

Jesus said “Not everyone who says to me, ‘Lord, Lord’, will enter the Kingdom of Heaven…Then I will declare to them. ‘I never knew you; go away from me, you evil doers.’ Read the whole section here: Matthew 7:21-23

He also said that “Very truly, I tell you, anyone who hears my word and believes him who sent me has eternal life, and does not come under judgement, but has passed from death to life.” (John 5:24)

So here I am this Ordinary Aussie Woman… No different to any of you, just an ordinary person, who however has had an extraordinary experience with The TRUTH, Jesus Christ and He is now my passion.  For The Truth to be proclaimed to all people, so that they too may have the opportunity to experience what I have!

God loves to take ordinary people and transform their lives…Think of the woman at the well (local town tramp by many peoples’ opinions see John 4:1-42) or Zacchaeus (the local rip-off tax collector, see Luke 19:1-10).

My passion is The Truth…the liberating truth.

If you look up passion, you’ll actually find Jesus’ suffering on the cross as a definition…

What’s your passion?

Let me leave you with this song, ‘Breath’ by Michael W Smith, much love, Melanie J

This is the air I breathe, This is the air I breathe
Your holy presence, living, in me…
This is my daily bread, This is my daily bread
Your very word, spoken, to me…

And I, I'm desperate for you…
And I, I'm lost without you…

You are the air I breathe, You are, you are the air I breathe
Your holy presence, living, in me…
You are…You are my daily bread, You are, You are my daily bread
Your very word, spoken, to me…

And I'm, I'm desperate for you…And I'm, I'm lost without you…
And I'm desperate for you….And I'm, I'm lost without you.

I'm lost without you. ..I'm lost without you…I'm desperate for you!!!

Change my heart, Oh God...I'm LOST without You!

Friday, 14 March 2014

The Dress of Love...

Col 3: 12-14
“So, chosen by God for this new life of love, dress in the wardrobe God picked out for you: compassion, kindness, humility, quiet strength, discipline. Be even-tempered, content with second place, quick to forgive an offense. Forgive as quickly and completely as the Master forgave you. And regardless of what else you put on, wear love. It’s your basic, all-purpose garment. Never be without it.” (MSG)

This scripture was sent to me last night from a wonderful young woman of God, as an encouraging message of love from Jesus!  I was so moved as The Message is not my general reading translation, so I have not heard this section of scripture this way before; so beautifully poetic for me as a Christian woman and timely as my wardrobe is currently over-flowing, with loaned garments from my loving sister for my new upcoming job.

This message was part of a wider conversation that left me feeling so encouraged and up-lifted in The Lord.  I truly needed to hear it this, along with the exhortation to keep loving others regardless if I don’t see the fruit of this labour immediately.  I needed this encouragement to keep loving, as sometimes it is difficult to keep sharing about God’s un-changing love, and showing it when we don’t always know if others really want it…

I read this message and looked to my wardrobe, stocked full of beautiful garments lovingly provided for me by God at a time when money is an issue…And I could not help but think that although I know they are a wonderful blessing, they still are but material items that do not necessarily make a woman beautiful!  For true beauty, is the dress of love, as this passage expresses so magnificently.  Cosmetic coverings do not make a woman beautiful, God’s love shining through her however is the ‘true glow’…

Smiling and looking into another person’s eyes to let them know that what they are saying matters.  Gently giving sound advice and not trampling on someone’s delicate feelings.  Sending a message when you may not feel like it, to that person who hardly ever contacts you first.  Taking the time to play with your family and letting the dishes wait half an hour longer.  Cooking double the amount, so you can share with a neighbour in need.  Making that hospital visit a priority, over your own personal time.  Swallowing your pride when someone has taken what you said the wrong way…These are some little ways we can dress ourselves in God’s love…you may think of many more.  But these ‘little things’ actually accumulate to make a wonderful impact for the Kingdom of God and His glory.

I had a conversation this morning with another Christian, and later I was a bit upset over their reaction at one point and I felt like letting them know…However I knew that I should wait before reacting so quickly.  Then I read a wonderful post by a blogger which reminded me not to be so ‘puffed up’ with knowledge of God that I forget to practice what I preach, and to remain in relationship with Him.  I then realised this emotive reaction happening inside was not from God, and my annoyed reaction would not be love for this other person, as it would only be self-serving.  I needed to be quick to forgive the slight offense and remained clothed in God’s dress of love.

I truly hope that by reading this post, you too are encouraged to never be without your garment of love, regardless of how many dresses you may have in your wardrobe and continue to love even when it’s tough…

In love, Melanie J

Thursday, 13 March 2014

Christian Singleness Early Days ~ 7 Truths

I have been inspired to write another post on Singleness, due to the amazing way God has used the previous one; Christian Singleness ~ 12 realities.  I have chosen to focus this time however on the realities I went through in the early days of my new found, and unwanted singleness.  I truly hope that this post will bless you, and encourage you to seek The Lord in this extremely difficult time, as He is the true healer!

1. Crazy Thinking:  I understand if this sounds harsh, but please bear with me on this point!  Stress and trauma can do some serious damage to your usually, logically functioning brain.  I can remember feeling 'foggy headed' and being very forgetful, which was frustrating.  In the early days of my trauma, I just wanted to run away and escape my pain.  I was even looking at moving interstate for a ‘fresh start’.  On the surface this may seem plausible for some, but honestly I would highly urge NOT making any major changes in your first year or more, of new singleness.  I was VERY blessed to have wise Christian friends who spoke to me gently, urging me to carefully consider all the blessings I had around me, and to think of how another major change for my children may not be best.  To be honest, although I did not like hearing this caution (because I wanted change to distract me from my pain), I am grateful to God that I could hear His voice, speaking to me through His people.  I know that by staying around the people who knew me, and working through the pain I am now healed.

If you have a friend who urges caution, and waiting for more confirmation from God before you make a major decision, try not to get your back up…Take a deep breath and appreciate that you may possibly not be your usual self.

2.  Attention Seeking:  When you have been deeply hurt, a natural reaction can be a knee-jerk one, like publically shaming the other person.  I can tell you honestly that I have felt like doing this many times (even still today), as a way of getting pay-back.  However it is not the healthy, healing option.  Most of you unfortunately, will have Facebook acquaintances who air all their dirty laundry via their public status updates…And you and I know, that the reality is, they actually just damage their own reputation.  If you need to vent, you could; do it with a trusted confidant; write a letter to God; write one to the person, then burn it; or take a LONG walk.

Attention seeking can just be another way of distracting yourself from dealing with the hurt.  Working through your hurt, acknowledging it in a safe, private way, and seeking God’s help to forgive the offender is the way to truly be set free.

3.  Identity:  Loss of your identity is a very real possibility.  I remember feeling hurt, lost and angry in the early days that I was no longer a ‘wife’ or ‘married woman’.  Sometimes you may feel so hurt that you feel lost, like your identity or life purpose has been stolen.  You may be angry at the injustice, or not feel like getting out of bed each day.  I am grateful to God that I had permanence in my role as a mother; this helped me to get out of bed each day.  For others it may be their role at work.  I would strongly urge you to persevere in whatever role that you have remaining, while you re-group and find your new identity as a single person in Christ.

The loss of your role as a life-partner can truly impact your self-identity, even for a Christian.  Spending time getting to know yourself as a single person in Christ, will allow healing from this loss.

4.  Other People:  This is a difficult point, but I believe that it is one that needs to be acknowledged, no matter how painful.  We cannot control other people, or how they will react to our change of circumstances.  Some of the awfulness of separation is that its effect is so wide spread.  Yes you are affected, but so are your children, parents, grandparents, siblings, nieces, nephews, friends and extended family.  No wonder God hates divorce!  So many people get hurt. In my experience I lost some friendships, and some connections with family members from my ex-husband’s side.  These losses did hurt, some people never even phoned to see how the kids and I were.  I have needed to forgive those who have hurt my kids and I.  Honestly, I don’t even know if they know how their reactions hurt us…The reality is that people just react, good or not.  During the painful early days, I reached out to my nearest and dearest, and decided that I would let any others reach out to me if they chose to do so.  Sadly, not many did, and my kids and I walked the most painful days with not many people by our side…Although we were not alone or abandoned by God!

People will disappoint you, but God never will.  When hurt by others, don’t take it out on God. Appreciate the true family and friends He surrounds you with.

5.  Projects:  There is only so much time you can spend processing.  You may find yourself going a bit stir crazy at times, or unable to cope so well with new feelings of loneliness.  This type of emotion can lead people jumping into re-bounding relationships, when they are totally not ready. They then end up hurting another person loved by God.  Short projects, classes or a new hobby can be a great healthy option to keep your mind and hands busy, and to build your self-esteem back up.  I began sewing handbags, and later I took some art classes. 

Alcohol fueled partying at nightclubs is never going to change.  These places will always be seedy, accommodating broken and desperate people.  Christian people won’t bother with these places, as they know their worth is found in Christ, (not in another human) and they will value themselves as a beloved, child of God.

6.  Time:  I remember not liking people saying expressions to me like; ‘It just takes time’ or ‘You’ll feel better in a year’ or ‘In time you’ll meet someone else’ and so on.  I didn’t really want to think too long term, as I was just getting through one day at a time.  Sometimes people don’t realise how raw your emotions are, or where your thoughts are at.   They can struggle with trying to comfort you; try to remember that they are human, and are trying their best.  It is okay to say to people that you are not up to thinking too long term as yet.  When single milestones come up, be kind to yourself on these days, and put some time aside to process your emotions at that time.  Personally, for about the first six months I needed to process on the 13th day of each month, then it became the first year and 18 month mark.  Today marks two years, and I am grateful to God that I have not had to process too much today, and know that I am healed from the hurt of abandonment.  As for how much more time I need remaining single, only God knows that.  Don’t try to push your healing to fit other people’s time frames, as that is unrealistic; we all are individuals and this will only restrict your healing.

Sometimes hearing "time is the greatest healer" is not a comfort!  The truth is actually God is the greatest healer…People can stagnate over time when they don’t seek God.

7.  Cycles of grief: You may have heard of 5 stages or 7 stages of grief.  This psychological model helped me to better accept my feelings.  Personally I feel the 7 stage process is a better model, as it is a more comprehensive progression.  Separation/divorce is a substantial loss, and I have found that I followed the grief process over the death of my marriage.  I found I did not necessarily progress through the model in the listed sequence, and that I also moved back and forth through stages due to new traumas which arose when secrets came out, and new hurts occurred.  Here is a link to the seven stages: (  If you feel stuck in a stage, or overwhelmed in your grief, Christian counselling is a real option for healing.  Previously in my life I had tried counselling (with non-Christian professionals) and my personal experience was that it was not beneficial.  However I did seek Christian counselling in the early days and through the first year, and it was amazing.  My professional counselling priest, made me process things in a new way (which was so different to talking with friends, which I also did), and always prayed with me at the end, which gave me so much peace.

Before you accept yourself as a Christian Single, you will need to grieve the loss of your relationship and identity as someone with a life partner.

Remember all things are possible with God (Luke 1:37)

God bless you, Melanie.