Punishment in a Plastic-Perfect World:

There is real danger when we not only believe others think the same as us, we expect them to, and therefore when we realise they don't, punish them by breaking communication due to our own false, self-righteousness pride.

Today ignoring others and discarding precious people is the punishment served by those who think their own life is ‘plastic-perfect’. And yes, this can include some Christians.

I’m not saying there isn’t a time to wisely walk away from some discussions which would gain nothing more than mutual animosity. And please be aware, this is not a post either promoting, multi-faith worship and/or multi-spiritual communion!

I’m talking about times when people (even Christians) ignore the genuine efforts others (including other Christians) make to connect; the times when people just don’t even bother. The problem is this attitude does not come from a soft heart where real love can grow. It comes from a hard heart (a plastic heart), and ultimately a place of pride.

Believe me, I know how easy it can be to make excuses in one’s head to avoid doing what our conscience actually knows is right! Excuses like; I’m too busy right now…I’ll just leave it to God…or I have more important things to do!

Yes, excuses are made to avoid the more loving and therefore difficult task of connecting, and having honest, peaceful, non-aggressive, difficult conversations.

The raw, the real, the un-pretty, the awkward, just don’t fit into a plastic-perfect schedule, and take precious time away from the beautiful life so many want to have and portray…Yet, discarding and rejecting others in my opinion has never been more prevalent and is the cause of so much loneliness and isolation.

Today so many people cut-off the very means to actually having a more meaningful life…real (sometimes messy) relationships.

While conflict is awful, we need to ask ourselves honestly what we’re doing or have done to contribute? Are we guilty of feeling frustrated and putting the person down, or just ignoring and disrespecting them all together…?

And as Christians, how honestly are we looking at ourselves in the mirror of truth?

Yes, there are times when we should walk away, take a break, or even cease a relationship permanently. But this should never be done lightly, or too quickly.

We need to be open to growing and examining our own heart through genuine prayer, and devotional scripture reading. For this is the real mirror of truth.

Sometimes we can even get to a place of thinking we know what scripture says, so we find another Christian person for accountability and neglect the discipline of devotionally engaging with Jesus through His remaining Word. Accountability partners are fine, but if we’re honest we usually choose people who don’t really challenge us.

We need to STOP doing everything else we prefer to do and simply pray honestly, and read the Bible again and again and again in complete vulnerability. It is only then we will have our hearts softened and strengthened to obey His holy and loving ways.

Plastic will melt in the fire of scripture and will be able to be remodeled.

The truth is our efforts are like filthy rags compared to the only Righteous One, Jesus Christ. All our good deeds and acts of charity, when done to only those who make us comfortable are mostly a way to please ourselves and make us comfortable in this world…

We must reject the way of this world, for to live this way is to be an enemy of God.

True peace and love will only be found living in humble submission to the complete Word of God which thankfully still remains in our Bibles so far (just read footnotes too).

Submission to Jesus requires we know His instructions for us today, which we find in the New Testament.

To understand our purpose, we need to understand the grand narrative of mankind and God’s heart, which we learn from studying Genesis through to Revelation.

Remember the forgiveness of sins is necessary for a relationship with God, for it is our sins that separate us from Him. And forgiveness is freely available through a genuine prayer of repentance and committing your whole self to living with and for Jesus.

But…this is just the beginning. What is required after the forgiveness of sins and commitment to Jesus as Lord??

Micah 6:8 tells us, “He has told you, O mortal, what is good; and what does the Lord require of you but to do justice, and to love kindness, and to walk humbly with your God?”

The command is not to do ‘ministry’…

You see, God does not desire our religious observances. No, he does not desire plastic-perfection. He desires our hearts and soft hearts at that! He desires people to love and support one another, to not use and discard one another, or ignore others when they feel inconvenienced.

To Do Justice = We should continue to do what is right towards others and for others. Yes, we should care about others, even those whom we struggle with and never see face-to-face…even those we sometimes think we are better than! We should continue to fight for Christian-Judeo biblical morality.

To Love Kindness = This is not just being kind. This is a command to LOVE kindness. When we love something we nurture it and live with it. Kindness should be a part of who we are as Christians, a part of our character. We need to ask ourselves at times, how truly kind are we? How willing to be challenged and inconvenienced are we?

To Walk Humbly with God = This is not simply walking in humility, for even those who belong to false religions of the enemy can walk humbly putting others first and obediently to commands. The command is to walk humbly with God. But this is not the external acts of ‘good deeds’.

It’s the private acts like genuine heartbreaking prayer, confession, forgiveness, obedience to scripture when no-one is looking, and allowing Him to personally grow us through difficult times and experiences by remaining faithful. It’s NOT becoming more educated and liberal in theology, it is becoming more like Jesus until He returns or we leave this earth.

If we know scripture, we know that nowhere is there an allowance for us to pick and choose verses, or interpretations we prefer to suit our own often hard ‘plastic’ hearts.

We would know of the warnings regarding punishment coming for those who change one word, or twist it to suit their own desires or to manipulate others!

It truly can be so difficult to pray for the strength to obey when we desire the complete opposite…to run the other way, to ignore, to disrespect, to argue, to listen to the smooth talkers, to win the day…

But, Jesus said if we love Him we will obey Him.

And the second great commandment after loving God first, is loving others as ourselves…so the next time we feel like ignoring someone, or disrespecting someone you think is lesser-than, let‘s ask ourselves if we would appreciate it happening to us?

Remember, everything here will fade away and we all will stand before Him with no righteousness of our own…

We need His righteousness.

His robes.

His Word.

His life.

So let us strive to do justice, to love kindness and to walk humbly with Him, after we have repented from having a plastic heart.

Let’s us not punish others who think differently by ignoring them because of pride and self-righteousness. No, let us not discard people like used goods…

And if we should find ourselves one day, like a discarded plastic mannequin, may we place our hardened, plastic-self, into the fire of scripture to be remodeled…But not into an image that is pleasing the world, rather into the likeness of Him who alone is pleasing, and that is Jesus.

Let us reject the punishment of a plastic-perfect world. Let us reject arguing, slandering, ignoring and thinking we are so much better, and love God and each other in submission and humility.

In Christian love, Melanie.

Forgive them, anyway.

By now many of you would have seen the poem “Anyway” online which was written by Mother Teresa of Calcutta. This piece of poetry, aside from promoting moral living, ultimately promotes forgiving others because this is both a biblical and conditional command. The Bible is clear we need to forgive because firstly, we have been forgiven and secondly we need to continue to forgive because we too need continual forgiveness…And scripture doesn’t hold back on the serious implications for those who don’t forgive…it keeps them out of the Kingdom of God…So “Anyway” reads as follows:

“People are often unreasonable, illogical and self centered; Forgive them anyway.
If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives; Be kind anyway.
If you are successful, you will win some false friends and some true enemies; Succeed anyway.
If you are honest and frank, people may cheat you; Be honest and frank anyway.
What you spend years building, someone could destroy overnight; Build anyway.
If you find serenity and happiness, they may be jealous; Be happy anyway.
The good you do today, people will often forget tomorrow; Do good anyway.
Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough; Give the world the best you've got anyway.
You see, in the final analysis, it is between you and your God; It was never between you and them anyway.”

I, like many others I’m sure, love this poem for a couple of reasons. Firstly we know it's penned by someone who is legitimate in their life. Secondly, it is both so very honest and this makes it also truly encouraging. The honestly paired with determination to ‘do better’ despite what happens to everyone, is inspiring…

I really am encouraged by this poem, especially when I’m not facing any challenges! But to be really honest, both this poem and command Jesus gives us to forgive others, are really difficult to put into practice…

There are times when people really hurt you.

There are times when I am left shaking my head and feeling crushed. 

There are times when I really don’t like people….both people in general, and yes sadly even specific people.

There are times when it seems people are so blind and short-sighted, even uncaring because of their own bias…so self-centered and inwardly focused that they are unable to self-evaluate and then project unfair and unwarranted attacks on others…

There are days when we don’t even feel safe in our own homes, needing extra security and to implement safety plans, just in case someone does the wrong thing…but this is not to forget the cases of domestic violence and workplace incidents…

What about the times when people are so hurt and no-one cares enough to even call? Or the times when a best-friend or family member takes advantage of you, time and time again? Or when you finally get a break and people still don’t congratulate you, or worse still make a cynical remark?

And the days where you actually can’t stand the world anymore and don’t want to get out of bed…?

The truth is, there are times like this for all of us…yes, all of us. Even the people you may not know personally and whom you believe have the ‘perfect life’…yes, the ones you falsely believe nothing bad ever happens to…

These times are unfair. These times are the worst. These times are impossible for us in our own strength to find forgiveness in our hearts. And in truth, some people never forgive and therefore never find the freedom and release it would bring them…

Sometimes we can find forgiveness a bit easier when we practice seeing things from where the other person may be in their own life, or by focusing on all the good things we still have in our own life which promotes good self-esteem and empathy for the offender…we may even begin to feel a bit ‘sorry’ for the other person…

That being said, there are still times when our efforts just aren’t enough…the hurt just keeps coming up and coming up, time and time again. The offense, the hurt, the wound, the betrayal, and so on, is just all too much to bear.

We need Jesus.

We need his love and help to truly forgive and be free from the hurt and bitterness…

The commandment He gives is clear, Matthew 6:14-15 (CEV)  “14 If you forgive others for the wrongs they do to you, your Father in heaven will forgive you. 15 But if you don’t forgive others, your Father will not forgive your sins.”

We need to pray and continue to pray for the ability to truly forgive and to truly let go of our hurts….for what is impossible for us on our own, is not with God! (Luke 18:27).

I was recently encouraged by a wonderful story by ‘Entertainment Tonight’ in the US which tells the story of Patricia Heaton’s visit with World Vision to meet a Rwandan woman who decided to forgive the man that killed her family. (See here on ET Facebook).

The impact of the decision the woman made is so far reaching into the lives of all involved, their families, and even Patricia Heaton. I truly hope it encourages you in your own life and in your decisions to forgive…to let go and to ‘let God’ handle the deal with the situation and your healing.

Love Mel.

VALENTINE'S DAY 2019

I often find myself reflecting quite deeply on February the 14th each year. Yes, this often results in a blog post here on Life of an Ordinary Aussie Woman…The reason, I think is because love and life, or life and love, can be such a mine field of mixed emotions for so many of us…

It’s the one day of each year where love, whether it be romantic or committed or both, is thrust onto center stage. It’s there in our faces, no matter how hard we try to ignore it, or sleep the day away…it’s simply still there on our calendars…

It’s a day where we may grieve the loss of loved ones, our singleness, or even poor past choices…

It can be a day where we could feel alone, jealously, anger, bitterness, or resentment…

It can be a day for some where they hide away, or wear a mask, or get drunk and send an inappropriate message…

It can be a day for some to build resilience and face the day while being single in boldness…

It can be a day for single parents to give a gift to their child or children, or single best-friend…

It can be a day for some to pretend their personal relationship is all they hoped for…

It can for some, be a day of healing…

Or it can be a day for some to be overwhelmingly thankful and shower extra attention on their spouse…

And, it can be a mixture of any of these or more…and that’s okay.

Valentine’s Day for me this year has been a real mixture of different emotions, as I’ve reflected, processed, and CHOSEN to love my family.

And while I know we should love those closest to us EVERY DAY, I still choose to acknowledge my nearest and dearest (especially my hubby) each Valentine’s Day because TRUE LOVE isn’t about me.

TRUE LOVE is humble and sacrificial. TRUE LOVE is kind, patient and giving. TRUE LOVE is putting ourselves second, and also being gracious enough to accept it in return.

And without TRUE LOVE, romantic gestures are sadly just superficial and done in vain…

Happy Valentine’s Day everyone, and I hope you know the true love of Jesus, first and foremost – For without Him we have no hope of giving or receiving TRUE LOVE from anyone else because we only love because HE FIRST LOVED US (1 John 4:19).

HOW TO KNOW IF YOU’VE FOUND THE RIGHT PERSON TO MARRY: 5 questions to consider.

Marriage is hard.

Really hard. But it’s also a wonderful blessing, so it’s really important that we’re wise in discerning if the person we’ve met or are possibly dating is someone right for us to marry.

Marriage is a big commitment. There’s no option to just move-out discreetly with dignity intact, when you’ve made the public and legally binding obligation to become someone’s spouse. 

It’s true, no matter how civil and mature you both may handle the situation, marriage is always bigger than the two of you, and the painful ripples of separation and divorce go so much further than we could ever imagine, until experiencing it for ourselves… 

Yes, it’s a lot harder than living with someone.

The legal web of separating and dividing EVERYTHING is painful enough…but it’s not just assets. The rigmarole alone of changing your legal name, and furthermore to have it used by others is an emotional roller-coaster in itself… 

Yes, marriage is hard, as it comes with not only the cost of commitment, it involves true faith, risk and vulnerability. Marriage is unlike anything else I’ve ever experienced. It can be the worst when it was never right to begin with and also the best when based on friendship, commitment and compatibility… 

I’ve heard many people say the first year of a new marriage is the most difficult and I would say eighteen months into my second, I agree. But thankfully this time around I was much wiser, thanks to God, and I made a much, much, better choice. And so, I want to write this post to hopefully help someone else. It’s based upon what I’ve learned over 17 years in my first marriage, five years of singleness, a courtship in my late, late 30s and now eighteen months of marriage. Let me know if it helps you, I’d love to know! 

How to know if you’ve found the right person to marry: 5 questions to consider.

1. Do I really like this person?

The first and most important question is this. Do I like this person? As in, do I really like this person for who they are, their personality, core values and for how they value and treat me? Ask yourself, is this a person I actually WANT to be friends with? It’s important to realise that REALLY liking someone is different to infatuation because infatuation is selfish and consuming, whereas REALLY liking someone is respectful and healthy. 

Don’t ask yourself, is this someone I could fall in love with? Because we can often associate lust, sex, and romantic illusions with love. I have found some people get caught up in the whole ‘sexual attraction’ topic. When in real-life, if you REALLY like someone first, you’ll probably find yourself sexually attracted to them soon enough, even if you weren’t at first sight! 

When you ask yourself, do I like this person, this is not meaning whether you consider this person a friend! If someone is in your ‘friend zone’ they will probably stay there. 

Ask yourself, is this someone I would spend time with, even if I received no material benefits? Ask yourself, is this someone I honestly believe I will still REALLY like and consider a cool person in five or more years? Everyone changes and grows, do you really like this person enough to change and grow with them for the rest of your life? 

You need to consider if you really like this person, or whether they are just filling a void? Loneliness for example, is difficult to endure and can be countered with a healthy relationship, but it cannot be the reason you are in a relationship with someone. Marrying someone to meet a need such as loneliness, financial pressure, to provide your children with ‘another parent’, or to counter the fear of being single ‘forever’, and so on and so on, is actually selfish, and will most likely ultimately result in heartache for the other person and great disappointment for both. We can distract ourselves for a long time and convince ourselves of so many things when our heart is impatient and/or greedy, but eventually the carousel-ride stops and we get off. 

You really need to answer a complete YES to liking this person for who they completely are right now, because believe me, there will come days in your marriage when you’re hurt or upset at your spouse, and this foundation will help you through because the person you REALLY like is their usual disposition, not the one who has just upset you. If you never really liked the person to begin with, the problems which arise will become the catalyst for discontentment and contempt.



2. Do my family and trusted friends like this person?

A huge indicator as to whether or not you’ve found the right person

for you, is the approval from your close family (including your children if you have any) and friends. If they’re saying things that are negative about him/her in regards to their observations around how this person treats you, your children, or them when you’re not around, then this is a true RED-FLAG! You need to wisely consider their words as coming from people who love you, and consider you own possible bias and blindness. If their comments are negative due to vain things like the person’s occupation or assets, then that’s a different, materialistic or social-class concern, and it doesn’t mean the person isn’t genuine, likeable, or right for you.



3. Do our values align?

This is so important for a couple to make a lifelong commitment and solid life together. The Bible talks about people being “equally

yoked”. This comes from a long time ago when farmers would bind their oxen together with a wooden yoke. The two animals needed to plough the farmer’s field side-by-side. Your future field together in marriage is your home. Your home should be a safe and loving place for you and possibly your children and even grandchildren to spend time together. 

You need to marry someone you can work harmoniously with. This isn’t to say you won’t have difficult times, as these happen to everyone. The storms that will come will be difficult to endure, but indeed when you’re harnessed with a partner who works with you and not against you, the burden is shared. An example of two people being of the same religion is not what being equally yoked means. This allegory covers areas such as; spending and saving,

cleanliness, manners, forgiveness, reconciliation, ideologies, morals, health and fitness, use of medication, language used, generosity, children, dreams, interests, how to treat family, faith, theology, worldview and much more. What are your core values and do they align with this person’s?



4. Can I love this person?

In our western societies, it’s my opinion that it’s more helpful to think of love as a verb meaning commitment, rather than as

something we experience and feel, due to the fact the word love as a noun in English, has become so tainted. To consider if you are able to love this person in action, try considering some secondary, similar questions; Could I be faithful sexually to this person even if I was tempted? Could I stay with this person if they became ill? Could I forgive this person if they betrayed my trust or seriously hurt my feelings? Can I put this person first, before myself and others? This is a tough question to contemplate and shouldn’t be rushed.



5. Do I have peace?

This question is two-fold. Firstly ask yourself, do I have peace in my heart in being with this person? Is the relationship upfront, honest and without baggage? Are they still legally married – HUGE RED FLAG! Is there something pulling on your conscience because you know something isn’t right?

Secondly ask yourself, does this person bring me peace? Is this person someone you can be held by and receive nurturing, comfort, relaxation and love from? Life is hard and your future life-long spouse should be someone you can unwind and relax with. They should be someone whom you feel safe and peaceful with. 

I truly hope these five questions are helpful to you in considering whether or not the person you’ve met and are possibly now dating is the right person for you to marry. As a Christian in my own journey I also prayed a lot through this process. I would like to encourage you by saying that patience is a gift from God, and is one we must choose to receive. We’re always learning and growing closer to Jesus while discerning, even if the outcome isn’t one we’d hoped for. His plan is always better, so it’s really important that we don’t make a poor choice and that we listen and use wisdom. The wait is worth it and necessary, as marriage is hard, really hard but also a wonderful blessing.

Melanie.