I am at peace. I am at peace knowing without a doubt, the wait was worth it and I have found ‘my type of crazy’ man in a world full of ‘nice’ people, who are great but just are not ‘my kind of crazy’…
Do you know what I mean?
I am sitting here after a massive half-week which has included amongst other stuff, 2 trips to the emergency department of our local hospital for my eldest son…
I am sitting having just finished the dishes for dinner, while my hubby is out getting extra groceries I didn’t buy earlier today with one of the boys in tow…and I sit here content and at peace, even though my eldest son is still in pain awaiting a procedure next week, because I know Jesus provided me with ‘my kind of crazy’ man to help carry these burdens…
‘My kind of crazy’ man is my bbf - My best friend forever. He really is.
And I sit here writing this, not to boast (cause I didn’t really do anything), and not to praise my hubby (‘cause he isn’t perfect)…I sit here writing this to encourage you, yes you who are waiting and wondering, “In a world full of people, will I ever meet the one who is my type of crazy?”
I want to tell you this. Pray. Wait. Be patient and do not settle.
Oh yes, and one more thing – If you have truly loved before, do not despair and think it could not happen again, because it happened to me.
I have finally found ‘my type of crazy’ man after heartbreak, and what seemed to me to be, a difficult wait.
So pray. Wait. Be patient and do not settle…and while you do, work on yourself! Take time to process your junk with God, so you become a holistically healthy person ready for marriage. And while you’re at it, mingle with all the ‘nice people’ to learn what it is that you actually desire in a spouse…for there is so much more to being equally yoked than both of you being ‘church goers’!
From my humble observation, the best marriages I have seen are the ones where the couple didn’t settle. They prayed, waited patiently and did not settle. Now when I write ‘not settling’ I don’t want you to think I am talking about anything as shallow as physical appearance…They did not settle on being truly equally yoked or in modern-day language, being a great match!
They didn’t settle because they were firstly secure in their singleness and relationship with Jesus, so they could wait patiently (although this was still tough) and learn from their Heavenly Father who they were, and the type of person whom they would be a great match with. They knew what they needed in a spouse, and so when they recognised this person they saw God’s hand, and had His peace…
Being a great match comes down to being a great match holistically, so here are seven areas to consider:
· 1. Are we compatible spiritually? For example as a Christian one may ask…Do we have the same views about God and the Bible? Ideas about marriage and raising children in church? Do we think the same about Christian education and how our family will operate in regards to prayer and decision making? It is not wrong to ask yourself, is this person spiritually mature, or am I possibly struggling from some sort of ‘saviour complex’?
· 2. Are we compatible socially? For example you may consider…Are we able to enjoy some activities together that are important to me? Do we complement each other when socialising with family and friends?
· 3. Are we compatible financially? For example it’s important to notice how the other person values work, spending money, and financial stability. Is it in line with your financial values and work ethos?
· 4. Are we compatible mentally? Now while some great couples don’t necessarily have the same level of formal education, they do spark each other’s interest and will be able to communicate and relate on a similar level. Do you have a common vision?
· 5. Are we compatible morally? This is really important as this is often where relationship problems come from. What are your standards on things like cheating, lying, sex outside of marriage, volunteering and giving for example?
· 6. Are we compatible emotionally? A good test to discover your own emotional love language (how you feel most loved) is the 5 love languages test by Gary Chapman (It is available online). You need someone who will commit to you emotionally and meet this need for you, and vice versa. For example if you need cuddle and a chat each night and the other person likes to go for a run, shower and go straight to sleep, then that’s not a good combination.
· 7. Are we compatible sexually? Sexuality is bigger than sexual attraction and physical intimacy. While sexual compatibility is important in a marriage it is only one of these holistic areas. But there does need to be some chemistry, so don’t feel false guilt if you don’t feel it…Just don’t ‘try before you buy’ and ruin that person for their ‘my kind of crazy’ spouse who will totally desire them!
I really do want to encourage you to pray. To wait patiently…
Marriage should reflect the love of Jesus towards humanity and Jesus modelled that His perfect love is intimately entwined with friendship…and this is why I write, do not settle…wait to find that precious jewel who is ‘your type of crazy’.
It is worth waiting for that special someone you are a great match with, so you can laugh, cry, and strive together, while cuddling each other every day…Don’t lose hope, it’s happened for me, I just had to wait and keep growing until it did!
In Christ's love, Melanie.