Learning to be married...again.

There are so many analogies for life but the one that’s in my mind at the moment, is that of a mighty river…The river of life.

Yes, life is like a river in so many ways. It can be beautiful, wild, dangerous and a still a source of goodness all at the same time…

During this epidemic of COVID-19 the river here in Australia is quite still for so many. Yet this stillness brings about different things for different people.

For some, it may be a chance for quiet reflection, as they float along at a slow speed, or a chance to stop and swim with their family rather than swimming laps.

For others, it may be a time where they hop out of the river all together and sit on the bank, as the stillness was creating a stagnate pool around them.

And still for some others, it may be scary and intimidating as they notice the murkiness below them.

Then again, the river may be a rapidly changing environmental ecosystem for others who are experiencing all the forces of nature and elements of the different seasons and they may feel they are up and down even day to day, or week to week…

Yes life can be like a river; a beautiful, wild, dangerous, sustaining river. As we travel along the river of life, we all experience our own twists and turns…days of sunshine and days of storms…times of rest and renewal and times of pain and growth.

For long time readers, my friends, I know you’re aware I began this blog site as a single mother; well that was the beginning of 2013! I remarried June 2017…and it’s difficult at times for me to fathom that next month will be our 3 years anniversary!

Over the past three years you’re probably aware I haven’t written as many posts. Honestly I haven’t really worried about it because I never desired to write on this blog just for the sake of writing. When I began the blog I only wanted to write posts when I felt inspired. Tonight as l looked back at my blog post history I realised I actually haven’t written for almost exactly one year…however over the course of the blog’s life there are 324 posts! This one will make 325…that’s almost unbelievable to me!

Lately I’ve been reflecting upon the wide curve, my river has been on over the past three years, and it’s not just because I’ve had more time to think during this period of social distancing…I think it’s because my river curve has finally began to straighten out.

You see, I’ve been able to process recently just what a significant period the last 3 years of marriage has been for me. Of course it has also been a significant period for my husband and children too, however my reflection has been more personal recently, upon my own journey as a woman…An Ordinary, Aussie Woman.

Three years is an interesting length of time, that’s for sure! In this time, a newborn becomes a young child; an apprentice becomes a tradesperson, a university degree can be earned, Jesus was killed after three years of ministry, and indeed a relationship can be truly solidified.

Over the past three years, I have learned to be married…again.

I’ve learned just how completely different being re-married is…

I thought I knew about being married, and while I absolutely did in one sense, as I had been previously married for 15 years, there is a whole other experience of being re-married and that was completely new for me.

While I had head-knowledge about remarriage, and lots of ideas about myself and new husband…life experience is where the real learning is done.

A three year apprenticeship, if you like, to learn how to be married, again.

3 years spent learning about a completely different husband…I know it seems so basic when you type it out…but it’s really significant in person – irrespective of faith.

3 years re-developing personal skills that had not been necessary for around five years.

3 years of shaping and moulding to be the right fit for each other. 

3 years of careful building to make a durable home on the unpredictable river.

3 years of love. Love that includes hurt, joy, sadness, laughter, tears, blame, forgiveness, sickness, health, distrust, loyalty, confusion, clarity, and peace .

3 years of belonging to each other – the prelude to our marriage story that is yet to be told.

Remember, marriage is sacred as it’s the only union that makes a couple become family to one another – So importantly, if I can leave you with any advice in regards specifically to remarriage – If you’re older, and worn from being tossed out of the dinghy into the river from a spouse who should have protected you, just be prepared to grace yourself the permission to not be perfect, as you learn all over again how to be married.

Much love, Melanie.