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Life of an Ordinary Aussie Woman

Friday, 24 June 2016

Yes, I am totally ruined.

It was my 39th birthday recently and I have to admit that yes, I am totally ruined. I am a totally ruined woman.

You see, 11 years ago Jesus took me, made me His own, and ruined me for this world. 

It's not that I don't care about this world or other people, it's just that as I've journeyed with Jesus my desires have changed, and the things this world offers no longer hold the appeal they once had.

I have found total satisfaction and who I was made to be in Jesus Christ. My life has peace and purpose. My relationships are healthy and there is nothing this world can offer me that comes close to any of this...for all the world offers is tainted impurities.

When I was first born-again I could not fathom His love for me, even though I accepted it. There were times when I'd fail and wonder, “Will His love run out for me?” However I'd repent and again be amazed at His grace, learning more of His love. My life became a life of worship. I couldn't get enough of His Word and I'd sing privately to Him whenever I could, even through tears.

I will admit that often I felt incapable of truly loving Him, so I decided to show Him my love by my dedication. I received a lot of joy through Christian ministry service, but it took me many years to come to a place of really internalising His love for me, regardless of any works...But that's okay, I know He understands how broken I was and how much He needed to love me, and His love is amazingly abundant.

Over the years I became able to embrace His love, even if my comprehension of it was still immature. I was on a journey of growth. And then the difficult times came...death in many forms; my marriage died and I had friends and family pass away. I lost many human relationships but His love remained, and I let Him hold me.

He held me through my grief and panic attacks.

He held me through my tears and laughter.

He held me through my mistakes and victories.

He loved me and began to rebuild me, stronger than before. He has been replacing what the locust has destroyed in my life and here I sit totally ruined by His amazing grace and love.

His blessing of true loving relationship with Him and His people has totally ruined me for anything this world could possibly offer. I am totally His in every way and have never felt so secure.

My birthday just gone was totally amazing, I was blown away by the genuine love I felt from Him and His people. It's almost eight months since we moved interstate, and I am amazed at how loved I feel living here...No it wasn't easy moving so far away from home, and there are still challenges, but His love and miracles I witness here so often have totally ruined me for anything else...

I lay in my bed feeling settled and complete, and that in itself is a miracle. His love has brought me to a place, where I am now not willing to accept any thing less than His will and plan for my life.

My prayer for you is that you will allow Him to totally mess up and ruin your life for Him, so that you too will experience the best love as I have – that you too will know what true peace is, even in the storms life brings while awaiting His return.


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