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Life of an Ordinary Aussie Woman

Monday, 26 February 2018

Stop: Make Yourself Happy!

We need to stop.

We need to stop looking to others for fulfilment and happiness.

We need to stop trying to fix and change our loved ones.

We need to stop being afraid of looking in the mirror of scripture.

We need to stop and take care of our own life.

Are you unhappy?

Chances are, if you’re reading this then you probably aren’t happy a lot of the time.

Do you find yourself wanting your loved one to ‘change’ or meet more of your needs?

Do you find yourself trying so hard to make them ‘happy’ through acts of service, you’re somewhat depressed and even resentful?

Do you find you give no time to yourself and spiritual needs because you’re ‘so busy’ giving to your loved one, or busy ‘working’ that you feel drained and exhausted…no matter how  your beautiful your pictures posted on social media are?

Most of us know the benefit of working on ourselves prior to being in a relationship…of preparing ourselves to be mentally and physically well for another person…

But I wonder why this often goes out the window when we get into a relationship???

Why do I read plenty of articles about ‘making yourself ready’ for singles and then the opposite for married people…For example, how to let your spouse know you love them…how to rekindle your love…how to reset your wife…and so on and so on…

I am actually tired of reading articles such as, “Husband, I need you to….fill in the blank” or “Wives, your husband needs more…..fill in the blank”…

In marriage people sometimes try so hard to give, and give, and give that they lose themselves. They then become bitter and lose their happiness. Marriage becomes an idol and the reality becomes life was happier and a lot easier when the person was single!

If you feel this way, the good thing is you are recognising it.
You now need to understand that another human being will never ‘make you happy’ long term, nor have they EVER been meant to fulfil you.

You need to look after your own happiness, just as you did when you were single.

Healthy happiness is both attractive and contagious to your spouse…It will encourage them to do the same for themselves...this is also called living as a healthy, mature adult.

The problem is we’re fed a lot of rubbish from Hollywood. Why? Because mature, healthy relationships do not make interesting fiction and we know what we internalise we imitate. Films are so popular as they're a form of escapism but we really do need to exercise wise discretion.

Indeed, it is nice when our spouse does loving deeds for us, and they should, but for heaven’s sake we need to stop sucking them dry…go to ‘The Source’ for real refreshment and transformation and make yourself happy!

Problems arise in every relationship. Relationships with our spouse are no different to ones with other loved ones in our lives. Problems with a spouse are more intensified however because we simply spend more time together under the same roof.
Truth Bomb (Warning): There is no way you can ‘bullet-proof’ your marriage or relationships.
Even as a Christian you will be allowed to face problems and challenges for your own benefit; so that you grow and mature. You will never be in a Christian ‘bubble’. No amount of self-sacrificial giving to another person will make you and your relationships immune.
You need balance. Time for your own recharging and happiness and time to give.
If you are with someone who demands all your attention, service and time, that is an unhealthy, and abusive relationship.
We need to stop.
We need to stop looking to others for fulfilment and happiness.
We need to stop trying to fix and change our loved ones.
We need to stop being afraid of looking in the mirror of scripture.
We need to stop and take care of our own life.
One way I decided to take responsibility for my own happiness is to write a simple ‘daily’ list of the things that are ‘core’ for my own happiness and wellbeing. The list simply is a concrete reminder of what I need to do to keep myself healthy and happy for my loved ones. My list is particular to me. It is not all I will do each day that will contribute to my own happiness and wellbeing but it is simply my essentials that I must do in order to not ‘run dry’ or ‘burn out’…or find myself looking to unhealthy options for ‘refreshment’.
This is my simple list of things that are absolutely core and essential for me personally. My non-negotiables. I encourage you to write one that is non-taxing, and personal for yourself. Remember this list is NOT ALL we will do each day that is beneficial, rather it is simply the core, non-negotibales.
My daily list:
  • Begin my day alone with Jesus, praying and reading scripture devotionally.
  • Eat a healthy breakfast and take my Amino Acids.
  • Listen to at least 1 worship song and meditate upon Jesus while listening.
  • Write a ‘to do list’ and check it off.
  • Do at least 1 beautiful thing for myself.
  • Tell my family I love them.

Your list could include a daily walk, or visit, or anything you recognise is core to making you feel happy. If you have important things that are only weekly or so on, you could schedule these activities into your diary, or write them in your planner or upon your calendar...whatever works for you as a concrete reminder. Add to your list anything that is beneficial for the continued renewing of your mind with the unchanging truths found in scripture alone. Whatever way helps you to give your empty cup to Jesus for the filling of His soul-quenching love.
We need to stop looking to others to 'make us happy' and take responsibility for our own happiness and maturity!
With my love, Melanie.

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