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Life of an Ordinary Aussie Woman

Thursday, 22 September 2016

Living life as a Successful Single Christian: Debunking 2 common and contradictory well-meaning remarks.

So this post is where my thoughts are at in regards to living a successful life as a single Christian and it comes from my own experience of almost five years being single and knowing what it's like to be married (for those of you who don't know my story). This post comes about from having found myself in the past being confused by what some well-meaning Christian people have said and things I've read which for me were unhelpful and in my opinion, contradictory...I don't want to offend, rather hope this will help some Christian singles who are perhaps struggling.

The two remarks I want to focus on today are:

God has someone for you but it'll happen only when you're totally satisfied in Him” and then on the other hand “It's NOT good for man to be alone...”

I would like to say...Can we PLEASE stop it with these well-meaning, often regurgitated comments. On behalf of single people I'd like to ask people to please not discuss someone’s singleness unless they bring it up, and you have an existing, close relationship with the person! I mean seriously, when someone wants to sprout 'spiritual talk' at me, yet has never had a coffee with me, I am not impressed. Sorry if that's harsh, I'm just being honest.

Our heart should always be to care for someone else before speaking.

So here goes:

I do not think it's very helpful at all when people imply that because a Christian is still single, yet desires to be married, they must not be totally satisfied with Christ. I am left to wonder, do these people think before they write these articles, or speak this over people? I mean sure, perhaps the single Christian has more healing to do, or more to learn before meeting someone, but this is very different to not being 'totally satisfied' in their relationship with Jesus. This comment in the past, left me feeling hurt and confused. I was confused as I felt so close to Jesus and I knew I had given up everything to follow Him...He was my all-in-all. I felt hurt wondering, was I somehow less spiritual than I should be because the desire to be married had not gone, yet I was still single...

And then the comment of 'It's not good for man to be alone'. Sure this helps us understand God's heart for relationship, but this phrase can also make single Christians feel as if their life is less-than because of their singleness, and can urge them into settling for the wrong person. The truth is our need for human relationship can be fulfilled from non-sexual, non-marital relationships, with close Christian friends. Our sexual desire probably won't go away, but we can live a great life in purity by having accountability with our trusted friends, and by not wallowing, for we have our purpose in Jesus, single or not.

In past years, I spent far too many hours struggling with unhelpful comments like these two, and I became somewhat fixated upon myself rather than keeping my eyes upon Jesus and living for Him. Sure there were plenty of articles that spoke about serving 'while waiting' but they also added that when one came to a place of 'fulfilment' in singleness the 'right person' would come along...You see the idea being sprouted is that serving 'keeps us busy' while we wait to somehow become more spiritual. Now again, I don't want to sound harsh...but I've seen plenty of immature Christians pairing up and plenty of mature ones remaining single. I can also tell you 'keeping busy serving' is not the right heart for our relationship with Christ!

For my own well-being I needed to come to a place of accepting I am not needing to become 'more spiritual' for 'Mr. Right' to come along. I don't know if even having a 'Mr. Right' mentality is even helpful, as it could elevate men or women too highly perhaps...I've come to think that maybe there are a lot of 'Mr. Rights' out there...I mean my Christian brothers are cool guys! And please don't get me started on that 'other half' rubbish I hear 'Christians' babbling...It's ancient Greek mythology! I believe as a daughter of God I have a choice and should be wise in my decision and that my Father will advise me rightly, as long as I keep my focus upon Him!

I do agree that it's not good for us to be alone...but this need does not have to be met by one person who must be my husband! I need to keep my eyes fixed upon Jesus and ministering with Him every day, not to keep busy while waiting for something better to come along.

The most miserable people I know are stagnate people with hardly any friends...and you know what? They're not just single people...

Here's my conclusion: Find your own life and purpose in living with and for Jesus, then do it again and again without expecting to meet the love of your life...Then if you meet someone, don't over-spiritualise it, make a wise choice based on whether or not they will be someone whom you can minister with, and don't settle, keep Jesus as Number One to be found faithful when He returns or calls you home!

Let me leave you with a song that sums it all up...a perfect anthem to meditate upon, love Mel xx

1 comment:

Philip Pratt said...

This is something that also bothers me & as someone who's never been married there's never a lack of [unsolicited] advice as to why & what do about it...

I have heard a myriad of things regarding my (& other single people's) status:

"There is one God-ordained person for you, someone made just for you"

I have a hard time believing this, w/ over 6 billion people in the world there's only ONE person for each person? Really? What if your perfect person is on the other side of the planet & you never meet? Is God that cruel?

"There is no perfect person for you, just find someone who loves God & loves you, who has similar interests & goals, things will fall into place"

This is actually a bit more realistic & obtainable... but it's easier said than done.

"Once you put it on the altar & don't care anymore, they'll show up!"

This works for some people but I've known plenty of people, myself included, who “put it on the altar” years & years ago (in my case 30 years ago) & we're all still single.

"Pray for others to receive their spouse & you'll get yours!"

I have at least seven friends that over the course of 20+ years I've prayed their spouses in, prayed for them to meet someone & get married, every single one of them are married w/ children to this day. Me? There's no ring on my finger & I still spend life alone.

"Quit being so picky!"

My grandpa told me this shortly before he died. What are you going to say? His generation is different than mine, different ideas & ideals, can I be picky that she at least has to a be Christian? Even that's hard to find...

Just because a person is single doesn't mean they're unhappy; they could just be in a good place, a place of contentment & focus on the Lord. It doesn't mean they don't get lonely at times... it doesn't mean they're not uncomfortable around couples at times... it doesn't mean they need to be pitied, consoled or “fixed”.

Is God's Word true? Absolutely it is, it's not good for man to be alone but sometimes, man is... alone... there's no need to bring attention to it; they know they are & some are happy about it & others are not, but let them work that out. If God leads you to pray for them then do it, if not then don't but it's really none of your business unless they invite you into it.